I DESPISE MY BORING, LAZY MAN

Dear Coleen

I’m a 67-year-old woman and I despise my husband – he’s sly and boring. A few years ago I found out he’d been watching porn on TV while I was out working (the fool recorded it by mistake). Anyway, from that moment, I felt betrayed and disgusted. That was five years ago and I’ve never wanted sex since. He’s also always been lazy and has never taken care of himself, whereas I look after my appearance and my health. He wears dentures, but as soon as he comes home he takes them out – ugh! There’s a lot more that disgusts me and wears me down, and I just want him to leave. I stood by him and nursed him when he had prostate cancer, but his treatment was successful and he’s had the all-clear, so I feel I’ve done my bit. We’ve been married 30 years and now I want a new life on my own with my dogs. What’s my best course of action?

Coleen says

I’d say best course of action is setting the wheels in motion for a divorce. Normally, I’d advise couples having problems to try various avenues, including relationship counselling, to see if they can find away forward, but I think it’s gone past that point for you. And, by the sounds of it, he wouldn’t agree to it – he clearly stopped making any effort some time ago. But I think counselling could be a good idea for you, to help give you the strength to do what you have to do. Divorce can be a long and painful process. There’s always a chance (albeit a slim one) that when you talk to your husband about going your separate ways, it’ll shock him into overhauling his attitude and lifestyle. And if he doesn’t make any effort to fight for you, then it just confirms you’re doing the right thing. The Citizens Information Board has good advice on the break-up of marriages. Visit www.citizensinformation.ie for further information.