HUBBY WON’T SEE DOC OVER SEX PROBLEM

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for 29 years and my husband and I haven’t had sex for five years. He’s got an erection problem, but he won’t go to see his doctor about it. It’s seriously getting to me now, as we don’t even sleep in the same bed any more. We never cuddle or kiss. In fact, we barely speak to each other. I don’t know how to deal with this situation and don’t feel I can speak to anyone about it. Please help.

Coleen says

It’s very difficult when someone won’t confront a personal problem. And it sounds like he’s withdrawn from you totally – there’s no affection either. I know it’s frustrating for you, but try to approach this with sympathy. It must be difficult for him to lose that side of himself, too, and he may feel emasculated and too proud or embarrassed to do anything about it. There is medication available that can help, but he has to want to go to his GP – you can’t force him to do it. Tell him you love him and you’re not ready to give up intimacy with him, and that if you had a similar problem where your sex drive was low, you would try to sort it out. If he’s genuinely not bothered about himself, then there are other ways of pleasuring you (if you see that as an option). I think you need to rebuild intimacy between you. Start by getting back in the same bed with each other. It’s not just about sex – it’s about feeling loved as well as desired.