Anger management
WE can be an angry lot at any time of the year but it’s the festive season that really gets us fired up to go bang faster than a Christmas cracker.
More than half of us have family disagreements during this time, with the average family’s first Christmas Day argument kicking off before lunch.
National Anger Awareness Week runs from December 1 to 7 with the intention of arming people with the tools they need to see the season through without showdowns over the turkey.
We asked the experts about anger – what it is, why it affects us so much, and how we can curb it. Understand the physical effect Emotions are complex processes involving mental and physical response channels. Anger often triggers a neural activity, which results in raised nerve conduction and hormone release such as testosterone and adrenalin.
These have a knock-on effect on organs such as the heart, lungs, skin, and gastrointestinal tract.
Watch your drinking
Alcohol is a toxic substance. The initial relaxation is a result of alcohol working on the brain and nervous system, which causes reduced anxiety and increased confidence. However, as you continue to drink, the parts of the brain involved with emotion and anger become affected. Have healthy snacks
Sugar is the energy source which drives all physiological processes. If blood sugar levels drop (when you’re hungry,) then sugar-sensitive organs, such as the brain, start sending warning signs to alert us of impending physiological danger.
We get irritable, shaky, we sweat and suffer headaches. These signs are strong enough to drive anyone into the ‘hangry’ zone! Admit you’re hurt
The roots of anger are to do with feeling hurt or pain or some sort of self-reflection you don’t want to consciously acknowledge.
Expressing that hurt in an honest way can be a challenge but healthy relationships are based on honest communication.
People keep changing so our relationships need to go through constant realignment. Be aware of how you feel about a relationship and any frustrations you have, be willing to communicate this and be prepared to hear this from someone else. Own your feelings An argument often stems from the fact your expectation of that person is not being met. You wanted something from someone and you didn’t get your needs met in the way you wanted.
If you attack someone, the natural response is for them to defend themselves, but there are different ways to resolve a disagreement.
If you’re saying the other person is constantly to blame, it means you have no ownership of what’s going on. So instead of saying, “You never spend time with me”, say something like, “I would really like for you to spend time with me”, which is much more powerful.
Reflect on your frustration
The end of the year is a time for reflection and looking to new beginnings, which generally provides a trigger for people to think about what’s (not) working for them and what to do about it. On the very mild end of anger you might just think it’s frustration, but if allowed to develop it can become anger.
Normal anger, not violent rage, is a very natural part of the emotional spectrum and isn’t bad in its own right. But unmanaged or left unacknowledged it can be, so learn to manage your own anger.
1. Stop, think and look at the bigger picture Be grounded and remind yourself to keep your cool and think about the consequences of losing your temper. Take long, deep breaths, count backwards from 20 to one, listen to some calming music, go for a walk, or visualise a tranquil place.
2. Remember it’s OK to have a different opinion Opinions are not facts, they’re only what someone thinks. Steer conversation onto another topic if it looks like it’s going to cause an argument or cover old contentious ground.
3. Listen carefully When someone’s shouting, they’re trying to tell you something. Don’t be defensive or critical and don’t stonewall someone. Try to understand what’s driving this fury. If it’s coming from fear, try to get a sense of what they’re frightened of and ask what they need.
4. Use a support network Look to friends and family when you need to talk to someone so your anger doesn’t spiral out of control. At Christmas, get organised and delegate as much as you can.
5. Keep a journal This is a powerful way of not internalising your anger. Record how you feel and it will bring clarity to a situation.
6. Don’t take anything personally Remember, nothing others do or say is because of you – it’s a projection of their own situation.
Remember that nothing others do or say is because of you, it’s a projection of their own situation