I don’t think i can forgive him for fling

Dear Coleen

My husband had an affair a year ago with a colleague – a cliche, I know.

When I confronted him, he admitted it and promised it was over. He was true to his word and ended it, and the woman has since moved on to another job.

We decided to try to work things out, as we’ve been together for 20 years and have kids. However, despite trying really hard, I just can’t get over what he did to me and our family.

We’ve had couples therapy (and are still having sessions), but it’s not working for me. I think about the affair all the time and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

Coleen says

Well, counselling can help you reach that conclusion. The outcome of couples therapy isn’t always that you find a way to stay together. The important thing is that you’ve tried, but you might have to accept that you won’t get over it and that the only answer is to move on from the marriage.

Of course, it’s a really hard decision to end things after 20 years, especially when you have children together. You are forced to rethink everything and find a new way of being in the world but, in my experience, it’s also a huge relief and empowering, too.

Making the decision is often the hardest bit. It took me two years to leave my first husband and it took a while to readjust, but it was the right decision and I had plenty of friends and family for support.