GOT A BOYFRIEND BUT I’M GAY
Dear Coleen
I’m a woman who’s been in a relationship with a guy for nearly four years, but I have feelings for a girl I’ve known for ages. We hang out sometimes and go for food or to the cinema and I think I really like her. When I see her pictures online I can’t stop thinking about her.
I think my family might have an idea that I’m attracted to women – my mum has come between me and another girl in the past, probably terrified that I’m lesbian.
So I’m scared to come out to my family, especially as I’ve seen them become distant with my niece, who is in a relationship with another girl.
As for my boyfriend, he’s the best. He’s just the sweetest guy and I’d hate to break his heart, and would love him to stay in my
Coleen says
You’re not being fair to yourself and you’re not being fair to your boyfriend. As much as he loves you, he deserves a partner who will love him wholeheartedly and he won’t want to commit to someone who would rather be with another person. He sounds like a good guy and I hope you would be able to stay friends.
It seems to me that you’re desperate to come out, but are nervous about the reaction you’ll get from your family, especially given their attitude towards your niece.
But, you have to remember, you’re not a niece, you’re their daughter and they love you. There’s no easy way to do it, but I’d get in touch with FFLAG, an organisation that supports parents and their lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans daughters and sons (fflag.org.uk). There are some really useful downloads.
I’d deal with your boyfriend and your family before trying to start anything with the woman you like. Just think how wonderful and free you’ll feel if you start a relationship out of the closet. Good luck.