My friends don’t invite me out

Dear Coleen

I’m in my 20s and not long out of uni. I’ve got a full-time job and I’ve bought a house with my boyfriend. I thought these would be the happiest years, but I’m struggling with friendships.

When I am with my group of friends from school, I’ve started to pick up on the fact that I don’t get much back. They’re rarely interested in anything I have to say and will organise things and neglect to invite me.

It’s starting to really get to me, to the point where I’m analysing every look and word someone says, and mulling over what I’ve said that might have upset them.

My boyfriend and parents have noticed I’m not my usual chatty self, but I’m embarrassed about telling them how I feel.

I’ve started to really question my personality and am wondering where I’ve gone wrong.

Coleen says

I think you’re overanalysing it and making it a bigger problem than it is. From your letter it sounds to me as if you’re much further forward than your friends – you’ve bought a house and have a serious partner.

Maybe they see you as settled and assume you won’t be interested in some of the stuff they’re doing, such as going out to meet boyfriends.

Or perhaps they’re a bit jealous of what you’ve achieved so soon out of uni.

You seem happy with what you have, so why are you so hung up on these friends? As

I’ve said before, it’s natural for some friendships to fade as you begin to move in different circles.

I think you should stop worrying, enjoy yourself with your boyfriend and be open to meeting new people. And just say to these friends that you’re feeling a bit left out and, although you have a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean you don’t want to go out with them.

But maybe it’s time to move on and focus on the future and all the good stuff in your life.