ALWAYS ARGUING WITH MY MUM

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 20s and I haven’t been getting along with my mum for a while. We argue over just about everything and, although we always make up, it never lasts long.

We used to be close, but now she seems distant and like I’m way down her list of priorities. I know she has a stressful job and she’s on her own, so she has a lot of pressure to earn money and keep everything going.

She’s a great person and I love her so much, but a lot of the time I can’t stand to be in the same room as her! Surely this isn’t normal? Please help.

Coleen says

OK, I think you need to get to the bottom of why you’re arguing. From your letter, it seems she’s busy and preoccupied and you feel resentful that she doesn’t have as much time for you any more.

However, instead of being honest about that, all the anger and stress is coming out in arguments over things that are probably inconsequential.

You think she’s a great person and you respect that she works hard, so tell her that. And tell her it makes you really sad that all you do is argue, and you’d like to find a way to solve things without rowing. She might be so busy and stressed, she hasn’t stopped to think about the impact it’s having on you.

It takes two people to argue, so I think it just needs one of you to stop and approach things in a different way.

You need to communicate properly instead of just shouting from your corners.