We’ve moved home and i hate it

Dear Coleen

We moved house a couple of years ago to be nearer my husband’s family and to find a better school for our children.

However, I’ve struggled to settle and I still hate it. I miss my friends and the life I used to have, and find myself driving back a lot to visit familiar places and see people.

My husband, on the other hand, is very happy here and so are our kids. At first he was sympathetic and said he understood, but now he’s just getting annoyed with me and it’s affecting our relationship.

We’ve started arguing quite a lot and it always ends in me blaming the move and blaming him for the way I feel. I can’t see myself ever feeling differently, so where do we go from here?

Coleen says

I know two years seems a long time, but if you’ve spent all of it resenting the move, then you’ve not given it a proper chance.

It is hard to move away from friends, but I think it needs a change in mindset. Make a decision to put 100% into it. If you’re still unhappy a year from now, you can talk to your husband, knowing you’ve tried.

Resist the temptation to go back all the time to socialise. You need to make an effort to build up a new social network, but that’s easier when you have kids.

Good friends of mine moved to California and one partner loved it while the other wanted to come home straight away. I said the same thing to him – give it a proper chance and throw yourself into it. Now, it’s been six years and he loves it.

I think you have to be careful you’re not romanticising the life you used to have. It might be nice visiting, but what would it really be like if you moved back and you had less space, the kids were at a school that’s not as good as the one they’re in now and you don’t have the support of the grandparents?