HE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY, BUT I’M DONE

Dear Coleen

I’m a 45-year-old divorcee with two gorgeous kids aged 15 and 12. I’m now with a really great man and we’re very happy together.

He’s a couple of years younger and hasn’t given up hope of having a child of his own and he’s been talking about it a lot recently.

My age aside – I know it’ll take a miracle or IVF – I just feel too old and, mentally, I closed the door on having more kids many years ago.

I don’t want to disappoint him and I do understand where he’s coming from, but I just don’t think I’m up for it. Any ideas?

Coleen says

I think you have to ask yourself what your reason for having another child would be. If you agreed to it simply out of fear he’ll dump you if you say no, then it’s not the right reason.

As you know, a young child is incredibly hard work (as well as being wonderful) and looking after a newborn can put a strain on the strongest of relationships.

Fertility treatment is also very stressful – physically, emotionally and financially. So you have to open up the discussion to include all these factors. You also have to consider your children and how it will affect them, too.

He probably has this lovely romantic notion of the two of you with this gorgeous baby, which is nice, but I think you have to really talk through what it would be like in reality and discuss all the implications and see if you can find a way forward.