ONE-LINERS

WE’VE loved him from the moment he shouted “garlic bread?” from the top of the Blackpool Tower.

The latest series of Peter Kay’s Comedy Shuffle, a greatest hits collection from the funnyman’s career, is making TV audiences chuckle every Friday night – and there’s certainly no shortage of material.

For the Bolton dad of three, who worked in a toilet factory before he shot to fame, is one of the nation’s favourite comedians thanks to his observational comedy that’s suitable for all the family.

Kay holds the Guinness World Record for the most successful comedy tour of all time, performing to 1.2 million fans in 2010. He has had three number one hits and won two Baftas.

He said: “The greatest comedy is a mirror. The smallest, apparently mundane details of life are what tickle me. Like the fact you are always left with that tiny sliver of soap and the sticker when you use Imperial Leather.

“My humour isn’t blue. For me it’s always been simple — my mum would kill me if I said something she didn’t like.”

They say laughter can be the best medicine, so Peter

Kay is just what the nation needs at the moment. Here’s just a few of his many funny moments from his comedy act and hit TV shows Phoenix Nights and Car Share:

My dad used to say, ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” have a use-by date?

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Mate of mine has just been sacked off the dodgems. But he’s doing them for funfair dismissal...”

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food in here’.