I NEED TO DUMP HIM AND FOCUS ON ME

Dear Coleen

The past four years have been so tough for me and I don’t know how I coped, but I did.

Last year I was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of terminal cancer and I’ve had radiotherapy, chemotherapy and major surgery.

But with my diagnosis came the realisation that my marriage has to end. My husband has been unfaithful so many times, but has done nothing to change and work on our marriage. At first I didn’t like the thought of dying alone, but I’d rather that now than carry on with no love, support or affection from the man I’ve stood by.

I just can’t find a way of telling him or for him to listen. I want to be by myself and make the most of the time I have left.

Can you advise?

Coleen says

If you find it hard to talk to him and he won’t listen, then put it in a letter as you have to me.

I think you’re right – this is your time and you deserve to spend it in whatever way you want to spend it. I don’t think you should feel guilty for telling him how you feel.

Sometimes it takes something really big and life-changing to inspire the courage to do something you’ve been putting off. And I think you just want someone to tell you it’s OK to follow your instincts and your heart, so I’m telling you that you should do whatever makes you happy now.

You don’t need this stress on top of coping with your illness and I think when you do say something to your husband, it’ll feel like a weight off your shoulders and you’ll be able to focus on yourself.

I’m also sure there will be plenty of other people to support you. For more help, you can speak to the Irish Cancer Society Nurseline confidentially on freephone 1800 200 700, Monday-friday.

And get support from others affected by cancer on the online forum cancer.ie/community.