IAN HYLAND
on last night’s telly
On Celebrity Masterchef, Gregg Wallace had a declaration to make: “I am not a fan of skin on potatoes.” So, if you wondered why Gregg shaves his head…
Speaking of not being a fan, all I can say about John Torode’s new catchphrase is that it maybe needed a bit longer in the oven. “Shake those pans. Light those stoves.”
It sounded like a new verse for Black Lace’s Superman.
Actually, if John and Gregg are secretly working on a Black Lace routine for Comic Relief, all is forgiven. And I can’t wait to see it.
Anyway, back to the important business. Did I recognise any of the celebrities in this Series 15 opener?
The answer was, yes. All five of them. To be fair though, that was only because I’m forced to endure The X Factor for professional reasons, and I can’t stop watching Loose Women for I can’t stop watching Loose Women reasons.
Also, to quote the words that are presumably written on the wall of the Celebrity Masterchef booking office, it doesn’t really matter if the contestants are not that famous.
What keeps me coming back for more is the chance to witness the disasters they create in the kitchen. Unfortunately they were all reasonably competent. It felt like the only reason Death In Paradise star Shyko Amos got the boot was that she put her prawns on top of her sauce instead of in it.
That wasn’t the biggest shock of the night though. That came when Gregg advised John Barnes he needed to work on his presentation.
Gregg, I have watched every episode of Inside The Factory.
Ditto, mate.
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What keeps me coming back is to witness the disaster