SHE WON’T LET ME MEET HER CHILDREN

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for a year now. We’re both divorced and she has two kids from her marriage. It was really tough during lockdown, as we had to isolate apart because she still hasn’t introduced me to her kids and they don’t know we’re dating.

I understand why she was wary of introducing me to them too soon – she had a relationship quite soon after her divorce and her kids got to know that man, only for him to end the relationship. I know this was a nightmare for her and she felt really guilty because her kids had become fond of him.

I love her and want to move things to the next level, but she keeps changing the subject every time I mention meeting the kids.

What’s your opinion?

Coleen says

She’s being very protective of her children because she doesn’t want to let them down again.

I think you just need to give her lots of reassurance that you wouldn’t even suggest meeting the kids if you didn’t love her and didn’t think your relationship was serious. Tell her you’re willing to go at her pace, but you also want to be a proper part of her life. And remind her that you’re not the last guy and that she has to trust you if your relationship is to move on.

She doesn’t have to introduce you as her boyfriend at first, but can say you’re a good friend, and you can get to know the children gradually, so they get used to you being around.

It’s important to be able to talk about it – the issue isn’t going to go away – so ask her to hear you out and not shut the conversation down.