JESS SAYING
Jessica Boulton’s whimsical wander through the showbiz week
Manky Monday
Got Christmas money left over from the (online) Boxing Day sales? Well, Katie Price has made us an offer we could very much refuse. For she’s been raff ling off € 1,000 hair extensions for just € 5 a ticket.
But there’s a catch.
They’re used.
Yep, you read that right: Katie is selling off her USED hair extensions ( in the middle of a pandemic, no less) as she had only worn them for si x weeks before dying her locks a different colour. ( Excuse me, while I retch a little.)
In other news, the mum- of- five, whose last home was nicknamed “mucky mansion”, has hinted that she’ s baby-making with live-in boyfriend Carl Woods, having washed the last Mr Right right out of her the raff le winner’s hair.
There is a plus to what could only ever be a very drunken online acquisition, however.
If you were so out of your head on booze that you actually wanted Jordan’s pre- loved locks, at least you could have the old hair of the dog the next day. Depending on deliver y options, of course. ( You know I don’t mean it Katie – that was just too hard to resist!)
True love? Tuesday
Spot the difference! You can’t? Yes, sorry, it’s a trick question.
They’re both bona fide cougar cubs. Much like his oft- dubbed double Mick Jagger, Harry Styles has a penchant for dating women who aren’t his age.
Mick, 77, is just a few years younger than his last two baby mamas. If you add their ages together, that is.
The most recent, Melanie Hamrick, 34, is younger than four of his children ( and just about young enough to be his granddaughter).
Yet while Harry, 26, also prefers his women heading in One Direction, he’s all about older, not younger.
There was 14 years between him and the late, beloved Caroline Flack, 15 between him and Lucy Horobin, and five between him and Taylor Swift.
Now he’s landed himself another cougar in the shape of the Irish-American actress-turneddirector Olivia Wilde, 36.
Having married an Italian prince at 19 and boasted of her prowess in the bedroom, many have been quick to suggest the mum- of- two more than lives up to her surname.
But, like Harry, she’ s also an extremely intelligent, liberal, equality campaigner.
So regardless of birth dates, I ’m betting their love could actually be one for the ages.
Watch what you say Wednesday
Piers Morgan has no time for covidiots in Lockdown 3.
And top of his shame list is former TOWIE “star” Lauren Goodger, who he’s brilliantly dubbed “a quarter- wit”.
First Lauren like ned the killer disease to “a cold”. Then she bizarrely claimed she would refuse a jab, saying: “I ’m more scared of the vaccine than I am the virus.”
Why you ask? Well, Lauren, who’s previously dated a convicted armed robber and a kidnapper, insists she’s always been very fussy with what she puts inside her body–despite pumping herself ( and others) with unnecessary fillers.
There’s an argument that TV ’s Pie rs shouldn’ t have given the 34- year-old Z-lister the oxygen of publicity.
And if she turns down the jab, she might end up needing a different type.
Take that and part Thursday
It’s a new year, new start t for many.
Jo die Whittaker’ s quit Doctor Who, Kim Kardashian’s (allegedly) quit hubby Kanye, and d Donald Trump’s ( invol- l untarily) quit the pretence of having any dignity.
After three years, the first female Doctor is being regenerated from the atoms up.
Butt hat’ ss imp lepc om paredp with the regeneration ation of another role, normally occupied by white men with ith a penchant for young female male assistants: President of f the United States.
Yes, The Don has finally ally conceded but not before pro- Trumpers stormed the Capitol Building with Confederate flags. And even after agreeing to vacate 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Trump still believes he was robbed of the win ( presumably he’s got alternative votes to go with his alternative facts).
But what next? Ah! Why don’t househunting buddies West and Trump share the now-vacant TARDIS? One calls himself President, one calls himself Yeezus, so both are used to being on another planet. Meanwhile we’d all love some Time And Relative Distance in and Space away from them.
No thank chew Friday
Actors are used to rejection. But this one’s got to hurt.
Animal rights campaigner Ricky Gervais this week revealed he wanted to be fed to the lions at London Zoo when he dies. But it turns out Ricky isn’t quite q to the lions’ taste. According Accord to London Zoo’s COO Kathryn England, Ricky “may be a bit gristly” for Simba and co.
Funny... I always thought it was his close-to-the-bone humour that was hardest to swallow.