SHOULD I GIVE NEEDY FRIEND THE BOOT?

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my 30s and want to know how to end a friendship with a female friend. I feel bad about this, but she’s so needy it’s draining and I also think she has an agenda.

We met through work and got on great, but then she started offloading all the time, which I didn’t mind, but the friendship became all about her.

She also started to act weird if I started dating someone and would try to punish me by being unavailable – not replying to messages and cancelling arrangements we’d made.

My friends think I need to get out of this friendship, as it’s not healthy and I agree, but I don’t want to hurt her either, as we’ve known each other a long time.

I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

I think she could secretly be in love with you, but hasn’t told you how she feels because she knows you don’t feel the same way about her.

You don’t have to be mean, but you can gradually back off and cool the friendship. You don’t need to get her permission to date someone and you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty about it.

Then if she does get in touch and complains that she hasn’t heard from you in a while, tell her that sometimes her friendship can feel a bit too intense and that you feel you have to justify what you’re doing in your life.

If you’re feeling brave enough, you could even say if you’ve given her the wrong signals that you want to be more than friends, then you’re sorry.

Sometimes friendships just fizzle out or the intensity dies down because your life changes. I’m pretty sure once you’re in a serious relationship that’s what will happen.