Mother-in-law is mean and I want to stand up for hubby

Dear Coleen

My mother-in-law infuriates me with her attitude towards my husband. She has three children and my husband is her middle child. He left home at 18 to go to university and never went back – he’s always been very independent, which I think actually annoys her!

My problem is, she still has this view of him as a lazy, messy, good-for-nothing teenager and frequently makes barbed comments about everything from his role as a husband to how rubbish he is at domestic chores.

Admittedly, she usually says it in a jokey way to get a laugh, but I feel hurt by it because the things she’s saying couldn’t be further from the truth.

He’s a wonderful husband, does as much for our kids as I do and also does his fair share of household chores, including cooking most nights. In fact, he’s tidier and more organised than I am.

I feel very frustrated, although my husband just laughs it off.

I hate his mum thinking that he’s incompetent and irresponsible when he’s absolutely not.

Her other two kids of course get glowing reports and she never misses an opportunity to tell me how great they are!

Any advice?

Dear Coleen

I can see this is frustrating, but as long as you’re saying how great he is and he knows you appreciate him, that’s the main thing.

How about next time she’s being all jokey about how rubbish your hubby is, say something like: “I find it odd that you don’t know your son at all”. As a mum myself, that would hit a nerve!

And then follow up with: “He’s an unbelievable help to me, a great dad and he cooks every night – maybe I’ve trained him better than you did!”

Say it in the same lighthearted way, but you’ll have made your point.

If she comes back, saying she was only having a laugh, why not say: “Yes, I know it’s a joke, but it’s not true now and I think it’s unfair”.

Then I would just leave it because, as long as you two are happy, it really doesn’t matter if she still sees her son as an irresponsible teen.

It could be coming from a place of jealousy – that he has always been so independent and perhaps doesn’t need her in the same way as her other two do.

He probably was lazy and messy as a teen (most teenagers are in my experience), so maybe it’s just nostalgia for those days when she had all her kids at home with her.

She still views him as a lazy, messy teenager