LIVING IN FEAR AFTER ATTACK 15 YEARS AGO

Dear Coleen

Around 15 years ago I was on a night out when a stranger jumped me on the street. He came up behind me and put his hand over my mouth and tried to drag me into an alley. Luckily, the people I was with that night dragged him off me.

At the time, I think I blanked it from my mind and convinced myself I was fine, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. And if someone is even walking behind me on the street, I get palpitations.

What’s made it worse is that, at the time, people said I deserved it and I must have been asking for it. They said at the time I was a bit of a cow, so it was karma.

I feel I am overreacting now because even though he tried, he didn’t actually rape me.

Your advice would mean a lot.

Coleen says

You did not deserve this and it was not your fault. Please believe me when I say this and keep repeating it to yourself like a mantra.

Anyone who says differently is ignorant and nasty, and I hope they’re not in your life.

Also you are not overreacting – you are reacting to a traumatic and terrifying incident.

It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened – it still happened, but if you didn’t get help at the time, it’s going to still be there, lying dormant, waiting to be triggered.

You put it to the back of your mind 15 years ago and convinced yourself you were fine because it’s self-preservation – it’s a defence mechanism.

But I think it would really help you now to have some counselling and talk about it. You can find a therapist via the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk) and you’ll also find support groups online. It’s never too late to get help, so reach out and good luck.