Girlfriend’s fun and sexy but has zero interest in my kids
Dear Coleen
I’m a 35-year-old divorced man with two young children. My girlfriend, who’s only 26, moved in with me because of lockdown and I’m now questioning the relationship.
Things are fine when it’s just the two of us, but it’s pretty clear that she has no interest in my children when they come to stay.
She doesn’t help with anything – she basically sits on her phone or goes for walks with her friends and leaves me to deal with my kids.
I’m not expecting her to be a surrogate mum or to do anything for them at all, but the fact that she shows zero interest and has just opted out really worries me. It’s like she thinks of them as an annoyance or a necessary evil that she has to put up with in order to date me.
On the other side of things, she’s fun, sexy and I love being with her.
After a horrendous divorce and a lot of stress over the kids, this relationship has brought me back to life and I’m happy for the first time in ages. But I love my kids and they come first, so what do I do?
Coleen says
You have to try to think realistically about the future – with your brain and not your ‘you know what’!
Do you really want to spend your life with someone so disinterested in your children? Maybe it’s time to talk to her about where she sees things going – she’s young and might just be looking for a fun fling.
If you both decide the relationship is “fun for now”, but don’t see a longterm future in it, then it might take the pressure off and you can relax a bit and enjoy it. However, you might have to rethink living arrangements because your kids will still be coming to stay with you.
However, if you have hopes of a serious relationship with her and even marriage down the line, then you have to put your cards on the table and be clear that your kids are your priority, they’ll always be in the picture and she would need to embrace that and find a way to make it work.
The bottom line is, if she can’t accept your children and be prepared to put some effort into a relationship with them, then her relationship with you is never going to work.
She has just opted out which really worries me
GREGG WALLACE’S BIG
WEEKENDS AWAY
Channel 5, 9pm
NORTHERNERS, now is the chance to roll your eyes and say “I told you so”, as Londoner Gregg Wallace discovers the wonders of Yorkshire.
He’s in York, dubbed the capital of the North, for a weekend packed with history and food, all the ingredients for a cultural and hearty three-day break – if we’re ever allowed one.
Gregg, a man with boundless enthusiasm, is staying in a hotel with a 1,000-year history and a four-poster bed, and he’s delighted. “You can feel the history coming out of the walls,” he says.
Diving into the nearest bakery, he samples some parkin. If you’ve never heard of it, you’re probably from the South.
He says: “It’s gooey goodness. “I’ve got a great sweet tooth and I’m going to get through as many of these as I can.”
In more Yorkshire food news, he tries a Fat Rascal – which he declares is a bit like a scone – a curd tart, a Yorkshire pudding wrap and there’s time for a pie and a pint.
He also meets Michelin-starred chef Tommy Banks, who whips up a meal with local produce, declaring it the “best in the world”.
There’s time for some culture, of course, with a visit to York’s massive Gothic cathedral, the Minster, as he joins stonemasons on a heady tour up to the top, then strolls the city’s walls.
But it comes back to food in the end as Gregg discovers the city’s chocolate-making roots – and even makes his own personalised choccie bar.
Turns out it’s not so grim up North after all...