EX WON’T MOVE OUT SO I CAN’T MOVE ON

Dear Coleen

I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago, but he’s still living at my house. Initially, I agreed he could stay until he found a place of his own, but it’s gone beyond a joke and I feel like I can’t move on with my life properly.

He’s always got an excuse though. The places are either too expensive or there’s something else wrong with them – too small, in a bad neighbourhood, a rubbish shower – the list he comes up with is endless.

How can I get him to leave and still remain friends with him?

Coleen says

Well, you might not be able to remain friends, at least for now.

And he’s not being a very good friend himself, putting this pressure on you when the relationship is over.

I think you might have to be more direct. Say: “You’ve got to go now because I want to get a lodger in to help pay the mortgage going forward.”

Make anything up – you’ve met someone or your mate is coming to stay. Give him a proper deadline that he has to stick to and, if he still hasn’t found anywhere to rent, then there must be other people he can stay with in the interim, like a mate or his family.

Tell him you want to remain friends, but it’s not going to happen if this situation drags on because you’ll probably fall out and end up hating each other. You both have to move on with your lives.

Ask him what he’s looking for in terms of a place to live, then have a look yourself and send him links to flats.

If you find lots of suitable places then it might be that he’s hoping you’ll change your mind.