Feel a mug after finding out that I’m the other woman...

There was a note on the bed from his girlfriend

Dear Coleen

I came out of a serious relationship about a year ago and for the past few months I’ve been seeing someone, but on quite a casual basis.

When we got together, I told him I’d recently split up with a long-term partner and wasn’t looking for anything serious. He said he was OK with that and we could take it slow and see how things developed. Perfect, I thought.

Then last week, I was at his place and on the bed was a note, obviously from a woman, saying thanks for last night and that she was looking forward to seeing him on Valentine’s Day.

I was shocked to say the least – I know our arrangement was casual, but he’d told me he was single.

Anyway, when I confronted him, it all came tumbling out. Apparently this woman is his girlfriend who he’s been seeing for some time.

She has no clue about us and it seems like I’m “the other woman”, although I didn’t know it!

I’m angry with him, but friends keep reminding me that I didn’t want commitment and I was after a no-strings arrangement. But I can’t help feeling cheated, plus I’d started to develop feelings for him. What should I do?

Coleen says

Well, I think you have a right to be angry and upset. Yes, it was a casual, “let’s see how things go” arrangement, but he lied to you.

He told you he was single, and if you’d known he had a girlfriend, I’m sure you would have taken a pass and kept on looking for someone who was in a position to date.

He’s lying to both of you so he can have his cake and eat

it, too.

It might not be a bad idea to have some time on your own until you feel ready to date again seriously.

Think about what you’re looking for in a relationship and if “casual” is something you can actually do.

I know you’ve developed feelings for this guy – which I’m afraid often happens in these no-strings set-ups – but he is clearly not the kind of person you want to have a serious relationship with. At least you know now.

I’d walk away now before you get in any deeper and put this one down to experience.

It’s good you found out what kind of guy he is before things went too far down the line.