WHY DOESN’T HE WANT ANOTHER CHILD?

Dear Coleen

I’m a mum of two – my kids are six and four – and I desperately want another baby before I run out of time (I’m 37). I feel I could cope with it now, as the children are easier to look after, but my husband is dead against the idea.

His reasons just don’t seem good enough – according to him we’ll need a bigger house and car, we can’t afford it, and so on.

The thing is, we’re actually really good parents and both love family life, so I feel he’s just putting obstacles in the way. I’m one of three and always had my heart set on having three children.

My parents didn’t have a lot of money when we were growing up, but we got by and it never felt as if we struggled for anything.

Am I the one who’s being unreasonable or is he? We’ve never actually disagreed on anything major before, so I don’t know what to do about it.

Coleen says

I think you’re panicking because you’re in the last chance saloon – we know the chance of conceiving drops after the age of 35. It’s a good idea to write down the pros and cons, and then discuss them. Maybe you can think of the benefits of bringing another child into your family, but I think wanting another child just because you’ve always wanted three isn’t really a good enough reason either.

I was broody after having my daughter, Ciara, but my hubby Ray didn’t want another baby and I had to respect his opinion as it’s a big decision and it’s important to both be behind it.

When Ciara was about a year old, I’d actually come round to his way of thinking because it was hard work juggling three children and a job.

You’re thinking emotionally and your husband is being more practical – if you end up struggling for money, your quality of life will suffer and it could lead to arguments and impact on family life, which right now sounds pretty perfect.