She said my son’s depressed and they no longer have sex
I’m so upset because my daughter-in-law confided in me that my son is struggling at the moment. She thinks he’s stressed or even depressed because of various things, including financial worries, work and so on.
She says she doesn’t feel close to him any more and even told me that they hadn’t had sex in a really long time.
They’re both still young – he’s 38 and she’s 35 – and they have a five-year-old daughter.
I want to reach out to him but I’m not sure if it’s appropriate. His wife spoke to me in confidence and I don’t want to cause any more problems. Plus, how can I talk to him about being intimate with his wife?
She’s a very beautiful, outgoing, sociable person and I worry she’ll get fed up and start looking outside the marriage, even though she’s said she loves my son and would never do this.
I think the longer the situation goes on, the more chance there is of her reconsidering and walking away from the marriage.
I’m very worried about my son – do you have any advice?
You don’t have to betray your daughter-in-law to ask your son how he’s feeling or tell him that you’ve noticed he hasn’t been himself lately.
And remind him that he can talk to you – he may be 38, but you’re his mum and you have a lot of life experience.
Some people, and perhaps your son is one of them, find it hard to reach out and accept help, but if you initiate a gentle conversation then he’ll know he can open up to you if he wants to.
I don’t think you’re the right person to talk to him about the sexual side of his marriage.
But I’d encourage you to suggest to your daughter-in-law that she keeps talking to your son about their relationship – reassuring him that she loves him and wants to find a way to get their relationship back on track.
Stress and depression aren’t great for anyone’s sex life and it might be a good idea for him to see his doctor to talk about how he’s feeling and find out what the options are in terms of treatment or therapy.
And as a grandmother, maybe you can help by offering to take your granddaughter overnight sometimes to give them some time on their own.