Don’t worry & be happy with contentment..
Therapist says to aim for balance for mental wellness
TOP therapist Dr Colman Noctor says aiming for “enough” rather than “more” is the key to a happier, healthier life.
In his new book – The 4-7 Zone – the psychotherapist says the trick is not to strive for perfect happiness, but instead reach a balanced level of contentment.
Rather than being at either end on a score of 1-10 (at 1-3 or 8-10) we should aim for “enough” – which is in the 4-7 zone.
We all face difficulties at some point – break-ups, bereavement, job loss – and end up on either side of the 4-7 zone, which is normal.
When we’re not in the 4-7 zone, it manifests in three areas he calls “The 3Cs of behaviour” – coping, communication and control.
It can show up as disordered eating, self-harm or alcohol or drug misuse.
When trying to cope, some resort to extremes to handle difficult emotions or situations, to allow them to escape.
But this doesn’t address the underlying cause and can lead to bigger problems, long-term.
A difficulty in communicating emotional needs can lead to problematic behaviour to signal to the world all is not well.
When life is overwhelming some people respond by trying to control on area of life, such as over-focusing on work to avoid relationship difficulties at home.
Colman’s book has practical tips and examples of using the 4-7 zone in daily life, with chapters such as Work-life Balance, Parenting, Technology and Managing Anxiety.
Here are his six criteria for mental well-being, to score on a scale of 1 to 10:
1. Behaviour/actions
This concerns habits of everyday life – such as sleep, exercise, diet and drinking. When mental wellbeing is a struggle it often shows up here. If depressed or anxious, we may wake during the night or sleep excessively. Some people comfort-eat or drink more alcohol.
2. Cognition/thinking
Includes memory, concentration, irritation and fatigue. Changes in concentration, brain fog or feeling overly positive or negative can all signal a need to adjust. “It’s important to provide our brains and minds with rest, activation, or challenge, depending on what’s required,” Colman says.
3. Emotions/feelings
Colman says rather than trying to control emotions and feelings we should aim to influence them.
Instead of being overwhelmed by a feeling, reframe the emotion or try to think differently about the situation. “The emotional mind does not tend to involve much rationality. Therefore it can create a thinking pattern that is quite catastrophic.”
4. Biology
Physical and mental well-being are closely connected. Our bodies send us signals about our mental well-being; feeling sick before a difficult conversation, tension headaches or blushing. These reactions are “like an engine warning light in our cars. We ignore them at our peril”.
5. Psychology
This is the perspective we see the world through. Two people could experience exactly the same life-threatening experience and emerge from it with two different perspectives. One person realises life is short and fragile and decides to focus their time on fulfilling ambitions.
6. Social
Humans are social animals with a need to connect with each other. Our desire for social activity signals how healthy our social well-being is. Staying away from people for months on end, or going out every night to avoid being alone are extreme ends of the scale.