WE REALLY NEED A CHILDMINDER BUT I WORRY ABOUT SON

DEAR JENNIFER: My partner and

I have two children; a three-year-old toddler and a 11-month-old baby. I gave up my job four years ago, but we are now struggling for money and I need to return to work, which will mean having to find a childminder.

However, I am worried about my children, as my toddler has been acting very aggressively towards his baby sister. He was never like this as a baby, but he’s turned into a demon now. If I turn my back on them for moment, he hits her or throws something at her.

Last week I caught him trying to drag her from a bouncy chair and biting her at the same time. I have told him off countless times, but he keeps doing it and if he does this while I am nearby, how on earth will a childminder cope?

I am sure they won’t be anything like as attentive as I am. We desperately need the money but what can I do?

JENNIFER SAYS: Your son isn’t really a demon, he’s just jealous. He sees his baby sister getting attention, perhaps more than he gets, and does what he can to get it back. And in a way, it works because you then tell him off — and he gets the attention he wants. As long as this continues to happen, he has no reason to change his behaviour.

Rather than tell him off or shout each time it happens, instead, direct your attention to your baby girl, making sure she is OK. In time, if he sees that hurting his sister just gets her more attention, he might just stop doing it.

However, don’t neglect him completely. If possible, spend an equal amount of one-to-one time with him, it’s important he sees he’s loved as well. It would also be a good idea to encourage him to get involved in his sister’s care, perhaps with feeding or playing. In time, his behaviour should improve.