MY CHILDREN ARE DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY

DEAR JENNIFER: I am a single mum and have three children aged 12, 15 and 16. They have always been handful but over the past year or so, they have been making my life hell. It’s like a constant war zone, one conflict after another, accompanied by slammed doors, sulky moods and loud music.

They ignore or disagree with everything I say, yet moan that I’m the one who doesn’t listen.

The fact is, I spend far more time tending to their needs than my parents did for me.

They accuse me of being too strict and, if I ask them to do something, they complain it’s unfair. I just can’t win, nothing I say seems to make a blind bit of difference.

They also complain their friends get far more freedom than they do, though to my mind, they get far more leeway than ever I did.

The youngest is proving the most difficult just now. He seems to think he can do everything that my eldest does and refuses to accept that he can’t.

I have tried to be patient, but I feel increasingly frustrated and angry towards them. I feel stressed all the time and feel it’s only a question of time before I blow my top.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them to bits, but at times, I find it really hard to like them. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to let them do or say whatever they like.

Would that be so terrible?

JENNIFER SAYS: It might be easier for a while, but I’m sure they would soon find something else to complain or argue about. Let’s face it, rebellion is in their job description. Their bodies are undergoing major hormonal and physical changes that can create powerful emotions and behaviours.

So please take some consolation from the fact they aren’t doing this to upset you or deliberately make your life more difficult. They do it because they can’t help themselves and because they need to develop their own sense of independence as they transition into adulthood.

None of this makes it any easier to deal with of course and, were you to talk to the parents of their friends, you’d probably find they are having much the same problems as you.

Like you, they probably wish they could simply give their teenagers free rein to do as they please. However, I think deep down you know it would be a mistake.

Young people need to accept that, while they may wish it, they are NOT adults and that life has to have some boundaries, if only for their own safety.

They also need to learn that living with other people involves treating them with respect, as well as a willingness to do a fair share of life’s chores. I accept that this easier said than done, especially without someone to help share the load.

To assist you in this, and for the sake of your own emotional wellbeing, please consider going on line and looking at Netmums (netmums.com).

This commercial website provides a forum for parents to meet on line – and perhaps in person too – with loads of advice and support available.

I’d encourage you to look at the Parenting section – particularly the bit on Teens and Tweens; it’s a comprehensive section covering teenagers, which you might find useful.

You’ll certainly soon realise that you’re not alone and that other parents are going through very similar issues and concerns.