OUR DEBTS ARE PILING UP BUT I CAN’T FACE IT
DEAR JENNIFER: I was so happy when I got married and moved into a new house with my husband. Three years on and we have got ourselves so far into debt that I am worried we are going under. Our wedding was very expensive and we pushed our finances to the limit to buy our house.
Worryingly, our fixed-rate mortgage expires early next spring and I hate to think how much more expensive that is going to be. Recently, everything else has got so much more expensive, especially our energy payments. Our credit cards are just about maxed out, and I am so scared that I am not sleeping.
The silly thing is, we both earn quite good money, but I have no idea where it all goes. I have stopped opening our mail because I just know there’s going to be another bill we can’t pay. And, as you might imagine, Christmas has also left us tapped out.
My company is having a big postchristmas lunch next week and everyone is expected to attend, but I am dreading it. The thought of trying to appear cheerful for three hours with a bunch of happy, drunk people makes me feel sick. I will probably have to take a day or two off work beforehand and pretend I am ill to get out of it.
My husband just doesn’t get it. He bought lots of new Christmas decorations this year and planned a slap-up meal on St. Stephen’s Day for our extended family.
I tried to explain that we couldn’t afford to do too much, but he was determined to enjoy himself whatever.
What can we do?
JENNIFER SAYS: A lot of people are feeling squeezed by cost of living increases this year — but nothing will be achieved by ignoring it.
People who manage debt well, do so by confronting it and being organised. To do this, you need to know exactly what you owe and then prioritise the more urgent bills. If you can’t afford to pay it, please don’t just ignore it. Speak to the company and explain that you are having difficulties.
There is no shame in this — companies know people are struggling and most will have processes in place to help you at least pay something until things improve.
You could also speak with your bank — most are offering advice and help with these issues.
Then you need to work out exactly what you are spending your money on each month. Once you’ve done this, you can then look for ways to reduce non-essential expenditure.
I am sure you will find areas where you can cut back, even if just a little. For example, you’d be surprised how a takeaway coffee and a Danish pastry each day soon adds up to a sizeable monthly sum.
Please don’t take on the responsibility for all this alone, speak to your husband, he needs to face this and engage too.
He also needs to understand how worried you are.
Finally, if this whole process seems just too daunting without help, please contact a debt helpline.
These places offer a free debt counselling service though web chat or a helpline.
Tackle this today.
JENNIFER SAYS: Are you sure you want to? This man has thrown you out of his flat over some contrived idea of needing space to work, told you it is over between you, and called you stupid. Worse — he has got angry and physically assaulted you, which is beyond unacceptable.
What he did was unkind and cowardly, lacking even the courage to tell you to your face that your relationship was over. Given all this, do you really want a relationship with a man who can lie, abuse, and be this disrespectful and unfeeling?