SHOULD I LEAVE FIGHTING PARENTS?
DEAR JENNIFER: I am 22 and live at home with my parents. They’ve always seemed to get along well, but something changed about three months ago and now they don’t stop arguing.
I have no idea what started this and when I asked my mother what was going on, she said to speak to my father.
I did, and all I got back from him was speak to mother.
I’ve repeatedly tried to find out what’s going on, but they won’t tell me.
It makes no sense as they seem to be blaming each other for something I know nothing about.
Meanwhile, they’ve started sleeping in separate rooms, and swear and scream at each other whenever they meet in the house. After one nasty row last week, when I heard my father threaten to throw her out, my mother packed a bag and disappeared for two days.
It was at this point that I started to think maybe she’d had an affair.
She came back but again refused to tell me why she had left, nor what brought her back.
Peace lasted about a day and then the arguments and swearing started up again.
Neither of them seems willing to talk to me about what’s going on.
Could they be arguing about me? And would it be so wrong to just leave them to it?
I wouldn’t blame you. You’ve tried to help repeatedly and been re-buffed every time, and by both parents. Given this, please don’t blame yourself, as this is clearly not your fault.
Your parents have trapped themselves in a vicious cycle of angry arguments over something that they refuse to share with you. This suggests to me it’s probably something they are embarrassed about and want to keep secret.
All this has done is made your life a misery too. What they need now is professional help from a trained relationship counsellor or mediator.