I RESENT MY PARENTS

DEAR JENNIFER: As a teenager,

I’m sure I gave my parents quite a few sleepless nights. I often stayed out much later than they liked and had a few boyfriends who were a bit on the wild side.

Looking back, I can see that I must have been a real handful. The endless rows eventually got to me, and I finally left home for good the moment I was 18.

I had very little contact with my parents for a few years after that, but I managed to get myself straightened out and met a really good man.

I am now 37 and we have two wonderful children. When the first of my daughters was born four years ago, I tried to reconnect with my parents.

They seemed genuinely happy that I’d made contact, though I suspect this has more to do with seeing their grandchildren rather than me. Before that, I’d emailed them occasionally to let them know that I was still alive, but that was about it. They made no other effort to contact me and they now want me to visit all the time.

They seem to think everything is now fine, especially as they keep bringing up my teenage years, but I still feel some resentment for their lack of support earlier in my life. Should I confront them?

JENNIFER SAYS: Your letter suggests that there are a lot of unresolved issues with your parents, and further angry exchanges will not improve these so, next time, I suggest you go to see them alone.

Have a talk with them and explain how you’ve changed and that you’d like to put that period of your life behind you.

As part of this process, it might help to acknowledge, as you have to me, that you were probably a difficult teenager.

It’s possible they keep bringing up your teenage years because they want, rightly or wrongly, some sort of apology from you as well.