MUM WON’T Talk TO ME
DEAR JENNIFER: I have five-year-old twins who have only recently started going to school. I’ve been a stay-at-home mum since they were born and have loved every minute of it. However, when my old employer all but begged me to come back a few weeks ago, I agreed.
I am due to start in a couple of weeks and am really looking forward to it. It’s a well-paid job doing work that I enjoy. My boss has also agreed that I can fit my hours around my children’s schooling.
I will sometimes have to stay late for client meetings though, so, as a standby, I asked my mother if she could pick the twins up occasionally. I expected her to jump at the chance, especially as she so often complains about not seeing enough of her lovely grandchildren.
However, to my shock, she refused, saying she couldn’t commit to always being available. Not only that, but she also then gave me a lecture about a mother’s place being at home with her children.
Not knowing how to respond to that, I just left and we haven’t spoken since.
Your letter suggests that before this incident, you had a good relationship and regular contact with your mother, which makes her reaction all the more strange.
Might something else have happened (other than you going back to work) that has upset or worried her recently?
Is it possible that she envies the fact you have a career, and she had neither the ambition nor opportunity for one? Might she be jealous of the fact that you have a full active life with two lovely children, and she doesn’t?
Whatever the reason, nothing will be gained by just leaving things hanging as they are. Try having another chat with her and let her know that this career is important to you and the future security of your family and children.
Then explain how much you’d like her support, whether she looks after the children or not. Hopefully this will bring around, but be prepared for the possibility that you may not change her mind. You will, however, at least have made the first move to calm things down.