FATHER-IN-LAW IS RUDE TO ME
DEAR JENNIFER: My father-in-law is 81 and very bad tempered, at least with me. Ever since he had a fall last year, I have made a point of popping in a few times each week to make sure he is okay.
He’s always been a dicult man but over the past few months, he’s started being incredibly rude. He orders me about like a domestic servant, swears if he doesn’t get what he wants, and then completely ignores me until I leave.
My husband, who usually only sees him at weekends, thinks I might be overreacting because he sees no problem with him. I’m not so sure he’s right, because whenever his father comes to our house, he’s as nice as pie. How do I deal with this? Could this be dementia?
JENNIFER SAYS: It’s possible, but I suspect it’s unlikely as your fatherin-law seems to behave completely normally during his visits to you. I think it’s more likely that he is lonely or unhappy about something, and feels more able to vent about these issues in his own home.
It many also be that he resents the fact that he needs to rely on others, even when it’s a family member helping him.
Your husband’s apparent reluctance to recognise the problem could be that he doesn’t want to confront his father about it. That said, there is no excuse for rudeness and, unless someone points this out to your father-inlaw, I suspect he will just carry on.
If your husband won’t tackle this, I suggest you do so yourself, and ask your father-in-law to stop being so rude.
And that if he doesn’t, you’ll simply stop coming. Then, give him time to change, but if he doesn’t, I suggest you only visit when your husband is there too.