Mum won’t open up about my days as a kid

SIOBHAN SAYS: Your friend has to hear that this particular arrangement needs to be reviewed.

She can do what she likes with her life, but you are entitled to know what is happening on your property if it’s what you suspect.

Does she need help finding a job? Offer support but don’t allow her to take advantage of you.

Try to be understanding and avoid being judgmental if she’s delicate.

MY MUM won’t tell me anything about my younger life.

Up until I was eight we lived abroad with her ex-partner (not my dad). I have vague memories of playing on a beach and going to a little school.

But suddenly we packed up and came back to Ireland. No explanation — and I never saw her ex-partner again after that for whatever reason.

I’m now 26 and my mum still refuses to fill in the blanks. I don’t remember any violence but she will not tell me anything about my real father or my life from birth until the age of eight.

I’m getting married next year and this is coming between us. he said his friends had shoved him online for a laugh, but the fees are huge.

This is a top end-agency we’re talking about. I know that the costs are eye-watering because my best friend is on the same site – that’s how I spotted him.

Busted

A few weeks ago I went to see her. She was excited because her profile had just gone live and she wanted me to check it out.

We made notes of the guys she found attractive when suddenly she snapped her laptop shut.

She muttered that she needed to get to the shops for milk and that I should probably go. I’ve known my mate for

SIOBHAN SAYS: It’s possible your mother is trying to protect you, but she needs to hear that you’re an adult and would appreciate the truth.

The reality is that the internet allows us to conduct all sorts of searches. Wouldn’t an honest mother-to- child conversation be more preferable?

Sadly, if the past is too painful for her to recall then you must do whatever you feel is right.

If you do start digging around, be aware that you might come across all kinds of skeletons in the closet. He might have abused you as a child. Maybe he beat up your mother. Or he could even have gone to prison for some horrific crime. to see his ugly mush popping up.

Did he ever think about your feelings or the fact that you’re not stupid and probably would have found out about his profile one way or another?

Stupid

He can’t use you as a stop gap while he waits for someone “better” to come along.

Tell him you won’t be sleeping with him again until he can assure you thathe’ssorry,he’smadeaterrible mistake and he takes your relationship seriously.

Ultimately, you have to trust your instincts and if this is not something you can come back from, it’s probably best you split before your heart is broken some more.

But there could be nothing in the past of any interest. Maybe your mother was just hurt in that relationship when it broke up and wants to keep the lid closed.

But do be warned that if you do happen to unearth some upsetting truths, you might need professional help in processing any horrors that you may discover.