Tug Of War won’t border on victory

ON THE HEAD, RAY!

IT MIGHT not be an opinion universally shared — but I think there’s no dispute a good Tug Of War can’t sort out.

That might be something to keep in mind up North, where Catholics now outnumber Protestants.

I’m not suggesting that one side of the rope, the Catholic side, should have more people on it than the Protestant side. Best to keep the numbers even.

But why not get a big rope on the border, tie a bit of a ribbon around the middle of it, and let both sides at it. I’d imagine that after 15 minutes or so, we’d have a clear winner. It’s hard, or even impossible, to dispute a Tug Of War victory.

If it helps, they could do it on Good Friday. Just a suggestion... Happy to be of assistance.

Eyes collectively shift when another checkout person arrives on the scene and eases themselves into their checkout seat, ready for action.

Then the f ***** g queue disrespect happens. Always — every f ***** g time — the person at the back of The Queue you’re in strides over to the new till.

This will happen even before the “Till

GREAT to see Ray Houghton at the Ploughing Championships not least because I, many years ago, came close to decapitating him.

Long story short, me and Ray were recreating his famous Euro 88 goal on the exact spot where he scored it in Stuttgart (inset).

My job was to gently throw the ball to him, so he could head it for a photograph.

But I couldn’t resist the temptation to kick in a cross — and my shoe flew off.

It moved at pace directly towards Ray’s face. Luckily, he evaded it, and is still with us today. I’d hate to have the alternative outcome on my conscience.