Being a cheat’s in my bloke’s genes
JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY
MY girl is determined that we should go crazy before settling down.
She wants me to date other women – and “get them out of my system” – while she beds guys.
She’s put herself online and is being flooded with offers.
She’s making no secret of the fact that she could be bonking morning, noon and night if she wanted to.
As it is, she’s yet to sleep with anyone else because she’s weighing up her options.
But this feels like a ridiculous game to be playing. I love her and she says she loves me, so why can’t we be together – in an exclusive relationship – right now?
JANE SAYS: Have a meeting and describe how confused you’re feeling.
Is this her way of finding out if you’re genuine and trustworthy?
Make it clear you don’t need to get anything “out of your system”. You’re not a knucklehead. You love her and are ready to settle down.
I get the impression she’s secretly insecure and that she’s testing you.
It’s good news that she hasn’t slept with anyone else.
If you and she are to be together full time, honesty and trust need to start kicking in now. a kitchen for my manager and another building an extension for our accountant. I only realised that he was crumpling their sheets when my embarrassed big boss tipped me the wink.
I thought I could trust him with people I know. I never imagined he’d cross the line into full-blown humiliation. But he’s told me to get over myself. He insists putting it about is in his genes and doubts if he’s ever going to be able to change.
What kind of answer is that?
JANE SAYS: There’s no denying he’s given you an honest answer. You’ve asked him to stop sleeping around and he’s told you that he can’t.
As far as I can make out, things are pretty cut and dried. You need him to be faithful and trustworthy and he is not that person.
The fact is he doesn’t want to do anything differently – he loves his varied sex life, enjoys the attention of other women and gets a thrill out of finding new partners.
As for you, I’m inclined to think you are wasting your time. If you yearn for a loyal partner, it’s not him.
The problem is that he’s the product of learned behaviour. He sees nothing wrong with having several women on the go because it’s what he’s seen his father and grandfather do.
In their world multiple partners, various children and second families are the norm.
I’m not making excuses, because he should respect your wishes, but I’m afraid he probably is what he is. The minute your back is turned he’s off with someone else.
You owe it to yourself to find a different sort of lover before your sexual health is put in danger and your confidence is shot to pieces.