He’s a cheat but we’re set to marry
SHOULD I STILL DO IT? JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY
HOW can I marry my man when he’s been cheating on me all along?
We are due to tie the knot this August. Everything is planned and a lot of stuff has already been paid for. But I’m in a spin.
Three weeks ago a woman visited me at work. She introduced herself as my fiancé’s loverand said she was dating him when he first met me – but he never got round to splitting from her.
So for the past four years – the entirety of our relationship – he’s been sleeping with her behind my back. She said she was sorry but always loved him too much to let him go. She showed me a stack of photos on her phone to back up her story. She felt I deserved to hear the truth as she had finally decided to leave him, admit defeat and move abroad.
My guy blamed his bad behaviour on excessive drinking and self-destructive behaviour after the sudden death of a good friend. He now swears that I can trust him completely because he’ll never see her again. But can I take his word?
His boss has given him compassionate leave and my guy swears he’s all mine. He wants us to go ahead with the wedding and iron out our problems afterwards. He’s worried that a lot of his relatives will ask embarrassing questions if we withdraw our invitations now.
I was looking forward to being a bride more than anything else in the world, but can we really go ahead after this has happened?
I do believe that his lover is now out of his life because she’s sent me a picture of her new place in Amsterdam, but what if someone else catches his eye?
What if I’m about to marry a man who is incapable of sticking to one woman and will always have someone else on the side?
JANE SAYS: Your fiancé’s idea of getting married first and discussing your problems later is a terrible one. Insist on talking now so you know where you stand.
Why did he cheat for such a long time? Why didn’t he ditch his lover the minute he met you?
This is your future happiness in the balance. What really concerns me is that I don’t believe that you know this man at all. Can you honestly trust anything he says?
A long-running affair must have involved a level of emotional attachment plus a huge amount of lying. Was anything ever real?
Is this man guilty of being underhand and dishonest in general? Why did his lover have to come to you with this story? Did he ever plan to do the decent thing himself?
It’s good that his boss has given him compassionate leave. Encourage him to get the professional help he needs, but please don’t feel you have to do anything for the sake of ‘saving face’.
Any unhappy or disappointed family are his problem. Think long and hard about this man and your reaction to his betrayal. Personally, I think you should run for your life…