Sneaky sex is a danger
I WORK in a bar. I have sex with the manager’s boyfriend every time she’s out of town at one of her other properties.
He and I nip to the upstairs flat for a snatched fumble.
He’s really hardcore and hot, but not a particularly nice person. I do (kinky) stuff with him that
I’m by no means not proud of.
I don’t get the impression that he respects me but he’s the only person showing any interest right now.
I’m grateful for any passion I can get.
I feel guilty about letting my boss down (and I think the other employees gossip about us) but I get so lonely. I hate myself for it being so pathetic and weak.
JANE SAYS: You’re living on borrowed time. Very soon your boss will catch you in the act or someone else will tell her the truth.
You’re taking too many chances and behaving like an ass.
Why are you allowing yourself to be used? Maybe you do feel lonely, and sex starved but there has to be a more wholesome solution to your problems.
Does your boss deserve this? Walk away and reclaim your dignity.
I NO longer love nor fancy my mistress, but fear she’ll go to pieces if I dump her.
I’m not being flash, but I’m all she’s got in life. She worships me. But I don’t feel worthy of her attention – if anything I feel dragged down by it.
She lives alone, has no friends and insists that I’m the only thing that matters. Several times in the past five years I’ve tried to finish with her, but she refuses to let go.
She drags me back with great sex, amazing meals, and lashings of guilt.
At the moment I am going to her place twice a week for meals and vigorous sex.
I return home to my wife utterly exhausted and full of selfloathing. Then, if my wife herself feels horny, I feel doubly filthy.
Two women in one night is not a good idea. I long to get off this sordid carousel. I keep telling myself I should end our affair, but my mistress won’t let me.
If anything, she wants to start seeing me four times a week and if I don’t agree, then she’s threatening to talk to my wife (who knows nothing about her) and my boss. On a bad day she also threatens to slash my tyres, kidnap my dog, and hurt herself.
I accept that she’s a fragile and complicated person. She and I used to work together, and I thought that she’d be satisfied with a no-strings affair after we snogged at an office party. But that was yonks ago and she’s still in my head all these years later.
Some days I dream of running away and leaving everyone behind; my wife, lover, boss, and anyone else with a hold over me.
I imagine sunning myself on a foreign beach and never contacting anyone I know again. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
JANE SAYS: You need to sober up and deal with the real issues in front of you.
Running off to a desert island isn’t the answer to your problems.
I get it that your mistress is prone to frightening outbursts, but if you’ve made promises that you have no intention of keeping, then is it any wonder that she’s demanding and anxious?
Apologise for wasting her time, admit you’ve made mistakes but emphasise that you are not the person she needs you to be.
You cannot allow yourself to stay trapped. You’ve been a cowardly idiot, but you’re allowed to move on. Suggest she seeks therapy and/ or speaks to her GP if she’s struggling to cope.
I’m not pretending finally leaving her is going to be pretty or nice, but pingponging between two women isn’t acceptable.
Your wife didn’t sign up for this charade when she married you.
Sadly, if you feel your marriage has run its course too, then you need to start being honest about your feelings towards your wife now.
Drifting along, doing nothing is not an option. The time to act, and finally sort your mess out, is now.