Easy to despise mother
HOW do I stop myself from hating my mum?
When our baby was born, she gave me a cheap bib and a long lecture on what a terrible mother she expected me to be.
Yet when my sister gave birth, my mother showered her with gifts and spent hundreds of pounds on a pram.
She also went round every day to help out. When I bring up how unfair she’s been, I’m told that I’m ridiculous.
Why am I treated so unfairly? What more can I do to make things equal? Thank goodness for my partner’s mother who has taken me under her wing.
JANE SAYS: Your child and your partner are your new world.
It’s very sad your mother can’t be more supportive, but her lack of contact is her loss. Maybe she thinks you’re “sorted” with your partner’s mother’s help?
I beg you not to allow this situation to bring you down. These are precious, irreplaceable years with your child.
Cherish every moment and carry on being a great mum.
If your mother does eventually come around, then great.
But if she doesn’t then you’ll simply survive without her. It’s now up to her to be the bigger person.
MY boyfriend wants me to have sex with other men in order to pay off his debts.
He says it’ll be a walk in the park for someone “loose” like me.
I should never have told him about all the lovers and outrageous things I did before we met.
Now he’s holding my sordid past against me. I feel ashamed and backed into a corner.
The truth is I went a bit crazy after leaving school. I attended a lot of parties and kissed a lot of boys. Then I met an older man who had a fast car and loads of dosh. He used to take me out and treat me to drinks and meals. We had a lot of kinky sex.
My current boyfriend sneers that he was my “sugar daddy”, but the guy was single, and I was simply having a laugh. Is that so wrong? He and I parted when I got a job as a rep in Spain, where I partied even harder…
Now my boyfriend spits it’s “payback time”. Is it?
The other night he flipped out. He’d been drinking all day with a mate and slurred that if I was prepared to “act like a slut back in the day”, then it won’t be a stretch for me to do it again.
With that he declared that I should find another wealthy man (to sleep with) to help clear his many debts.
I screamed “no way” and he accused me of holding out on him. He ranted that if I really love him, then I’ll “do what I do best”, take one (or two) for the team and help him out.
He kept screaming we’re “in this together” but I’ve only been with him for eight months and feel he’s asking too much of me.
I do love him, but the thought of sleeping with anyone else turns my stomach.
Can you believe it? Suddenly he’s saying that I have to have sex with other guys in order to edge him back to solvency. Why didn’t I keep my big mouth shut right from the very start?
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend has deviously decided to take your back story and use it against you. He’s attempting to make you feel worthless – but you’re not.
The truth is that you have no sordid past to feel guilty about.
You were a young woman, out enjoying yourself. Do not apologise for your previous behaviour. Tell him to get stuffed.
The problem is that there are some very tricky people around. Your boyfriend is up to his neck in debt, but how is that your problem?
I worry the longer you stay with him, the more likely it is he’ll smash your confidence and self-worth to pieces.
The more he tells you that you’re selfish, the more likely you’re going to start feeling sorry for him. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Sadly, he sees you as nothing more than a meal ticket.
Talk to the people you trust and who love you about the pressure you’re being put under so that they can support you in gathering up your self-esteem and getting away.