Absent parents want us
MY peculiar parents put our family home on the market the day after I left for college.
They threw out all of my stuff and moved into a seaside flat. I was forced to sleep on the sofa during holidays.
I eventually found a room with a mate and married five years later.
Now my parents can’t understand why I don’t want anything to do with them. We have a little son, but why should I allow them the privilege of seeing him when they virtually abandoned me?
I’m sick of my mother ringing up and accusing me of being cruel.
JANE SAYS: I do understand you feel angry, but maybe you need to ask why your parents had to sell up so quickly when you went to college.
Did they have money problems? Did they hang on until you’d left in order to cut their outgoings?
Try not to be too hard, as until you know the full story how can you judge?
As for them not seeing your child, that’s a very harsh road to go down.
Your child can only benefit from having loving grandparents in his life.
Be the bigger person and agree to meet your mother for an honest chat.
MY lover used me for sex. Now he’s gone back to his first love, and I feel chewed up and spat out.
He’s admitted that he was only with me because he wanted to see what it was like to be with other people.
He met his girlfriend when they were 16 and he was determined not to enter into marriage only having slept with her.
So he bedded me while enjoying one-night stands with strangers. Once he’d hit his target of half a dozen, he scuttled back to her with enough notches on his bedpost to feel like a player.
Now I’m on the floor while he’s planning a lavish September wedding. How could I have been so stupid? The truth is that I know his future wife – she used to be my best mate.
When they split up last June, I jumped straight in. I went round to see him at his flat-share and offered myself on a plate.
He threw me on the bed and we had amazing sex in every position imaginable.
The next day he asked if he could move in with me. We bundled his stuff into black bags and I drove him back here.
He quickly made himself at home and, for the next few months, I did everything in my power to keep him sweet. From great sex to home-cooked meals, he wanted for nothing.
I didn’t even complain when he went out “with mates” and didn’t return until the next morning stinking of perfume.
Now I’ve been dumped myself and he has told me to leave him alone. He used me for sex and free accommodation.
How do I persuade him that I’m all he’ll ever need?
JANE SAYS: Sadly, your exlover very cynically decided to use you during a break from his long-term girlfriend.
You thought he was serious, but all he was interested in was sowing his wild oats before settling down.
I’m not surprised that you feel embarrassed, humiliated and used but what goes around comes around.
The reality is you wasted no time in getting into his pants. He had only just split from your friend when you barged in offering your love and companionship.
For a few glorious months you lived the dream.
Now the dust has settled, and you find yourself out in the cold. Yes, you did take care of his every need, both sexually and gastronomically, but I get the impression that you did so willingly in order to impress and ensnare him.
You even turned a blind eye when he was out “with mates”, (in other words, seeking sex with strangers).
Now he’s decided you’re not the one for him and your mate is back in the frame.
I’m not putting all the blame on you because he acted very badly too, but what did you really expect?
I suggest you bow out gracefully with some dignity and learn from your mistakes. Don’t feel inclined to pull this kind of stunt again.