‘It’s good for kids to see you when vulnerable’
RIO FERDINAND OPENS UP ON FAMILY TRAGEDY
RIO Ferdinand has told how he confronts his vulnerabilities head-on after the death of his wife – and is keen on getting the message across to his children that it is OK to talk about mental health.
The dad-of-five, who played in three World Cups, acted as a mum and dad to three of his children after his wife Rebecca Ellison died of breast cancer at just 34.
And the soccer star opened up about how he has hit amazing heights and plunged the depths of despair as he loved, lost, grieved and found love again.
In an emotionally raw interview ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week, which starts on Monday, Rio says: “It’s OK to be vulnerable.
“I’ve had to have open conversations with my children, because my family has been through quite a lot. Sometimes parents come across as unbreakable.
“Dads can come across as a bit macho and mums as bionic women, who juggle everything.
“But if I had any advice for parents it would be that showing vulnerability in front of kids could really help them with their mental health.”
When Rio (45) lost Rebecca in 2015, they had been together for 15 years and married for nine.
In his book Thinking Out Loud: Love, Grief and Being Mum and Dad, he opens up about the depression and suicidal thoughts that he experienced, revealing he turned to whisky and brandy to cope with the shock.
Wellbeing
But today he is speaking as part of a McDonald’s campaign to inspire open and honest conversations about mental wellbeing within families.
The fast food giant has removed the iconic smile from millions of its Happy Meal boxes, to show kids that it’s OK not to be cheerful all the time. And it is working with BBC Children in Need to provide families with access to a hub of resources designed to encourage candid conversations.
Rio admits that, growing up on a rough council estate in Peckham, southast London, emotions were not discussed.
He developed a tough exterior, which was further encouraged in the changing rooms and on the pitch when he became a footballer.
He says: “When I was growing up it was normal to sweep the topic of mental health under the carpet.
“I found it really hard to talk to my kids about how they were feeling, because I wasn’t used to it.
“But everyone feels vulnerable from time to time, it’s part of life.
“We need to encourage young people to talk, because there are mo- ments when you’re not going to be
HEAD-ON: Rio Ferdinand chats about how he keeps a healthy mind happy. That’s life and it’s inevitable. Telling your kids, ‘I’ve been there, I feel sad sometimes’, can really help them.
“On the pitch, footballers are seen as masculine guys who don’t show our feelings or talk about mental health.
“But I’ve had to have conversations with my kids because of my circumstances.”
Rio met Rebecca when he was playing for West Ham. She was his rock, as he became a star. But he says if he had his time again he would remember to relax and enjoy the moment.
He confesses: “I never really enjoyed and soaked up those moments when we won the league, or the cup.
Regrets
“That’s probably one of my biggest football regrets. Don’t get me wrong, we had some great nights after winning things but I never really soaked up those moments.
“I was always thinking, ‘What’s next?’ You’ve got to really enjoy the big moments because they fly by.”
Rio married second wife Kate Wright (29) – who found fame on reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex – in 2019. They have two children, Cree, three, and 10-month-old Shae.
He already had Lorenz (17) Tate (15) and 12-year-old Tia with Rebecca.
As a couple, Rio and Kate try to be honest and open with their kids and encourage conversation. He says: “It’s our job as parents to empower our children to express themselves freely and to support them in understanding that it’s OK to not be happy all the time.”