Take time and ex­plore each other’s bod­ies

Sex ad­vice with Suzi God­son

Irish Examiner - Feelgood - - Health -

We are al­ways in a hurry, even when we have sex. We are about to go away for a ro­man­tic week­end and we want to en­joy tak­ing our time in bed. Any tips? >> Get­ting away will re­ally help you both to slow things down. I al­ways ad­vise cou­ples who want to re­con­nect to check into a good ho­tel, even if it is only five min­utes down the road from their home. There is some­thing uniquely cathar­tic about the clean, quiet con­fines of a ho­tel room, where your only pos­ses­sions are a tooth­brush and a clean pair of pants. The ab­sence of dis­trac­tion forces you to fo­cus on each other and sex is ob­vi­ously the per­fect way to oc­cupy your­selves in a space that con­tains noth­ing but a mini­bar, a bed and a bath­room where you can spruce your­selves up be­fore din­ner.

If you tell your part­ner that you want the week­end to fo­cus on sex, I’m sure he will oblige, but the more prepa­ra­tion you do in ad­vance, the bet­ter the ex­pe­ri­ence will be. Think about what it is that you specif­i­cally want to achieve and then gather the tools that you need to make it hap­pen. If slow sex

is your No 1 goal, start by read­ing Nicole Dae­done’s Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Fe­male Or­gasm (Grand Cen­tral/Ha­chette). “Slow sex” is ba­si­cally mind­ful sex, with an em­pha­sis on fe­male or­gasm, which can’t be bad.

In a long-term sex­ual re­la­tion­ship, you know pre­cisely which but­tons to press, but slow sex is an op­por­tu­nity to ex­plore the ar­eas you usu­ally over­look. You don’t need to set your­self any rules about not touch­ing the gen­i­tals, but the gen­eral idea is to fo­cus on all the other eroge­nous zones that tend to get ig­nored. The eye­lids, the ear­lobes, the nape of the neck, the nip­ples, the tummy, the base of the spine and the feet. Tak­ing the time to re­ally ex­plore each other’s bod­ies is hugely erotic, and mak­ing touch a more mean­ing­ful part of your sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ence will help you both to re­lax.

Some men are ap­pre­hen­sive about ex­tended fore­play be­cause it can cause them to lose their erec­tion, but as your arousal lev­els builds, his will too, and as soon as he re­ceives di­rect stim­u­la­tion it will re­turn. It is ac­tu­ally good for men to get used to this process be­cause it stops them get­ting anx­ious about oc­ca­sional erec­tile fail­ures — some­thing that hap­pens to all men at some point, re­gard­less of age.

Why not pack some props? Koibito Love boxes are beau­ti­ful sets of sex ac­ces­sories that have been specif­i­cally de­signed for ho­tel rooms. You can buy them on the Koibito Love web­site (koibitolove.com) - it has a va­ri­ety of boxes that range in price.

At the cheaper end of this brand, the €40 Take Me Now box con­tains an or­ganic lu­bri­cant, mas­sage oil, a bul­let vibrator, three fair-trade con­doms, a tick­ling feather, a silk blind­fold and a sex tip and origami game. The €92 Spank box has more of the same and adds a hand­made leather pad­dle.

Prod­ucts aside, the ab­so­lute best thing about slow sex in the sanc­tu­ary of a smart ho­tel is the op­por­tu­nity for mean­ing­ful post-coital con­ver­sa­tion and con­nec­tion. Chatting, gig­gling, teas­ing, or just ly­ing to­gether on 500 thread-count Egyp­tian cot­ton — those are the mo­ments that make me smile for months. Have a great time.

“If

you tell your part­ner that you want the week­end to fo­cus on sex, I’m sure he will oblige

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