If we believe that turning 18 suddenly makes us adults, then we need to grow up

A RECENT letter from the secondary school told us that since our Leaving Cert child turned 18 in mid-October, under GDPR* the school could no longer communicate with us regarding her now personal data without her permission. This was a bit of a bolt out of nowhere. No one was more wide-eyed about the contents of the missive than the daughter in question.

We were informed that all communications from the school would go directly to her, including school reports and the like. None would come to us, her parents, without her permission. What is more, we could not attend parent teacher meetings to review her progress without her permission. However, we got a document from the school, which our daughter could sign to give us the necessary clearance. She duly put her name to it, only too glad to be relieved of her new position on the front line of responsibility.

So at 18 children suddenly become grownups. When the clock strikes 12 midnight on the last day of their eighteenth year there is a sudden turning of a biological switch transforming the child into an adult.

As far as I know the process called ‘life’ does that.

There is something bordering on science fiction about the 18th-year milestone lark. In the case of children in foster care, it is bizarre and cruel that a mark on the calendar can rob vulnerable people, overnight, of the range of state and foster supports on which they so depend.

We have had occasion to take our new 18-year-old to doctor and dental appointments over the last number of weeks and, while she is no shrinking violet and had the option of attending the consultation alone, she insisted that one of us be with her. She is not willing and doesn’t feel able to take total responsibility for her own life and no directives from on high or below are going to magically deliver that willingness and capability.

Admittedly our daughter is in a position to choose whether or not to ask for or to accept support. However, many like her are not in a position to make this choice since they have no one to support them, and the law simply sets them adrift.

Then again there are other young people who regard themselves as more than ready at 18 to cut the parental ties and cannot wait to tell their parents to back off. In many cases these parents, for good reason, don’t share their offspring’s confidence but have no option but to let them go. That can be a recipe for heartbreak all around.

As humans we grow up gradually; is there any other mammal that spends so long a time in a dependent state? Human growth isn’t just about physical development, it is also about social, psychological, and intellectual developments that take time and don’t happen for everyone at the same pace. With good grounds, many claim that boys and girls mature at very different paces.

So, what to do? I think we need to begin to enshrine the concept of young adulthood into policy, law, rules and regulation. Nightclubs and places of entertainment already do that. All regular nightclubs have an over-18 policy, many social gathering places implement an over-21 policy and many are adopting an over23 policy. Do they know something the rest of us don’t?

When it comes to getting a driving license there is clear recognition of the need for a transition period after ‘L’ drivers succeed at the test. They become novice or ‘N’ drivers for two years until experience teaches them what driving lessons and instruction can’t.

It isn’t too long ago when those working with young people worked at three different levels; with children, teenagers and young adults. This latter category seems to have been abolished.

The drop-out rate from third-level colleges tells us a lot about the turmoil that can typify young adulthood. According to educationalist and author, Catherine O’Connor, 7,000 first year students drop out of college every year, many because they chose the wrong course but many because they failed to make that transition from the highly regulated world of second level to the ‘freedom’ of third level.

We need to look at somehow recognising and formalising that period of growth and development between childhood and adulthood, that period of time when young people need to be accompanied until they come to the fork in the road where it is appropriate

IN THE CASE OF CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE, IT IS BIZARRE AND CRUEL THAT A MARK ON THE CALENDAR CAN ROB VULNERABLE PEOPLE, OVERNIGHT, OF THE RANGE OF STATE AND FOSTER SUPPORTS ON WHICH THEY SO DEPEND