Our demands are simple — water or nudity
It is now officially too hot to do any of the following. Bath, cook, take the bus, run, walk the dog, eat a hot dinner, and live a semi-decent life.
It was the driest June in 80 years and we are caught in the middle of a dystopian universe where paddling pools from Aldi and flushing toilets are now considered luxuries. Luxuries!
Irish Water are asking us to call the ‘Rat Line’ and inform on our neighbours hosing down geraniums (please note — not the actual name of helpline).
Everyone is getting sick from eating cold cuts of meat left in the sun for too long, and newsagents are having to store chocolate bars in the deep freeze.
Last week, a man missed a court hearing after getting sunburnt. Clearly, we are not used to this.
The heatwave has resulted in us all losing our minds, and it’s basically now a full-blown national emergency.
Despite this, the Taoiseach has yet to do the decent thing.
That is to gather together the press and tell them he is using all the powers at his disposal to enforce new legislation making it socially acceptable to go to work without any trousers on.
Don’t pretend the thought hasn’t crossed your mind!
Only a sadist would voluntarily put jeans on in this weather. It’s like being stitched into your own personal furnace.
Look, when the snow was here, we all got the days off work to build igloos and eat mountains of buttered toast.
Shouldn’t there be some sort of compensation for hot weather?
I think so, and allowing people to ditch smart casual clothing, business suits or any clothing seems the only humane thing to do.
These are the options; give us back our hosepipes or brace yourself for a country of accidental naturists.
Dressing down: It’s time to ditch the business suits
Renaissance hard man Ross Kemp celebrates England’s victory against Colombia with a selfie and becomes an instant meme in the process. As one commentator noted ‘If you ever wondered what it’s like to have sex with Grant Mitchell, well, now you know.’