8 TIPS TO HELP WITH RAISING TEEN GIRLS
In her book Untangled, psychologist Lisa Damour offers advice to parents guiding their teenagers through the transition to adulthood.
1. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU
So often, parents feel that adolescence is something their daughter is doing to them. Teenagers become more private, obsessed with their friends and fairly emotional. If parents don’t take all these changes personally, things go much better.
2. BE PRESENT
Teenagers want their parents around physically but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to interact with them. Don’t underestimate the value of simply being present.
3. PICK UP UNHAPPY SIGNALS
Girls will not always say directly that they are being bullied. They might say there is a drama in the class, and may even reject help. Often just complaining to a parent gives teenagers the relief they need.
4. HELP DEFINE POPULARITY
Teenagers use the word ‘popular’ to describe two different types of peers. They use it for people who are pleasant and kind but also to describe those who garner social power. Encourage friendship with the first type of girl.
5. LET THEM BOUNCE BACK
Teenage girls can become overwhelmed and frustrated. The first thing is not to over-react. Help them to fall back on their coping mechanisms. It could just be taking a shower or watching their favourite movie.
6. DIGITAL DOWNTIME
It is too easy to say that teenagers are obsessed with their phones. At the same time we have to help them to create some downtime. You could insist on no phones after 9pm.
7. CREATE SOCIAL MEDIA LITERACY
As girls are looking at carefullycrafted selfies that their peers are putting up, it is helpful to ask questions. Encourage them to think about how much time someone they know took over a picture and ask what they were trying to accomplish.
8. BE A ROLE MODEL
What we do has so much more influence than what we say when it comes to drink and drugs. Conversations around drinking and drugs should centre around the idea of self care, rather than talking about rules and laws.