New mums needn’t worry if they don’t look like Kate
SHE had hardly made it to the car when the feeding frenzy over how she looked leaving hospital in her nude patent heels and fresh blow-dry began. Third time around, Kate Middleton is probably used to the commentary by now: that she’s impossibly groomed, that she’s missing out on bonding time with her baby while she’s posing for photographs, that she’s wearing a dress that costs more than a month’s pay.
Social media went into meltdown with women sharing their post-baby pictures juxtaposed with Kate standing on the steps of the Lindo Wing of St Mary’s Hospital in London’s Paddington.
New mums posted pictures of Rocky Balboa’s punched face to show that this was more in keeping with what they looked like after labour. Most were self-deprecating and funny.
And the reality is that most of us look like we’ve been through the mill – labour does that to you. But why should a woman looking well rested and coiffed after having a baby be a red rag to some who opine that she’d do better to go off and bond with her child?
Some of the commentary went so far as to suggest that Kate, by daring to look so well after giving birth, was creating unrealistic expectations for mothers.
The rules are obviously different for royals. There are protocols to be observed and the media waiting at the door to be satisfied with pictures. The rest of us can disappear into the chaos that is early motherhood without any pressure over how we look.
But at the heart of the commentary is a holding of women and mothers up to impossible standards and judging them harshly no matter what they do or how they do it.
Why should anyone care what Kate looks like? She’s bringing a prince home to a palace. The reality for most of us is very different so why are we focusing on a woman in most unusual circumstances?
Motherhood has become caught up in a battle of one-upmanship. From the minute you’re pregnant, it begins. Never before have your choices been so much under scrutiny.
When actress Aoibhín Garrihy climbed Carrauntoohil recently at seven-months pregnant, she was criticised by some for undertaking the climb. She had to defend her decision by saying her husband was an experienced climber and safety was paramount for them.
The criticism came despite that fact that all the research is telling us to move more in pregnancy. Most women know their own capabilities and while some of us might not feel up to scaling a mountain, others would not give it a second thought. I know women who threw themselves into the bracing sea at the Forty Foot in Dublin while heavily pregnant, others who continued training in martial arts, and some who felt it was a time for gentle yoga and not much more.
Each to their own. We all have an innate sense of what our body – pregnant or not – is capable of and we should be allowed to tap into that unhindered by a cacophony of criticism at our choices.
WHETHER you breast-feed or bottle-feed, whether you stay at home or go back to work within weeks of having your baby, there will be opinions on what you do. Most of this is based on it not tallying with what another person did and so is therefore somehow not as valid or as worthy.
From the moment your bump begins to show, you move into strange territory that can leave you open to criticism.
When I told someone my husband and I were finding out the sex of our first child before the birth, it was met with open derision by a woman I vaguely knew.
She was waiting until the birth to find out the sex of her baby and couldn’t understand why I would want to “ruin” this precious moment.
Why is it when it comes to babies, childbirth and mothering, everyone thinks they have the right to comment on other people’s choices?
In my opinion, it’s to validate their own choice and has nothing whatsoever to do with the choices you are making.
So perhaps it’s time to change the script. Before we jump in to judge another woman, perhaps we need to take a minute. Why do we feel the need to put her choice down? Isn’t it OK to be different? Isn’t that what we’re
At the heart of the commentary is a holding of women and mothers up to impossible standards and judging them harshly no matter what they do or how they do it... From the moment your bump begins to show, you move into strange territory that can leave you open to criticism
trying to raise our children to believe? Isn’t the first step on the way to instilling this in the people we love to start practising it ourselves first?
New mums can be vulnerable and the learning curve can be so steep when you are caring for a new baby. In the fog of caring for a small human being, you berate yourself for everything.
It’s time to cut mums some slack and just be kind, or as my mother still says: “If you’ve nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.”
When it comes to taking your baby home, don’t worry if you don’t look like Kate Middleton. Chances are you just look like you and that’s great because your baby doesn’t care and he or she is all that really matters at the end of the day.
And if you want to wear your nude court shoes as you bring your precious little person home, I say go for it.