30 for 30 after another season on the fandom roller-coaster

THIS column loves both anniversaries and sporting documentaries and, with last Tuesday being 30 years since Luton Town’s 3-2 victory over Arsenal in the Littlewoods Cup final which sparked three decades on a roller-coaster, a print version of ESPN’s 30for30 series was required to capture 30 events since 1988 supporting the Hatters.

1

THE captain from that final, Steve Foster, wore a headband which fascinated this child. The first time to see them was against Bohs the following year when my da read out a quiz in the programme. “Which Luton player was recently sold to Oxford?” Answer: “Steve Foster”.

2

LARS Elstrup remains the club’s record signing at £850,000 in 1989. He was part of the Danish squad that won Euro 92. He later joined a cult and, in 2016, was escorted off the pitch after doing a naked handstand at a match in Denmark

3

FINDING out there was no Santa because of Luton. He was the only explanation for a nine-year-old from Dublin to have a Luton tracksuit under the tree. It turned out my ma had spoken to the manager, Jim Ryan, to make sure it arrived. He saved both Christmas and the team from relegation.

4

WATCHING Luton become the last six-a-side indoor champions by beating Liverpool 4-0 in 1990. Every trophy counts.

5

MICK Harford, Luton icon, scoring a goal to stave off relegation thanks to a 2-0 final-day victory over Derby County in 1991. The fact he was playing for Derby at the time only cements the legend.

6

THE following year, still wearing the aforementioned tracksuit, watching Grandstand as they announced with delight that Des Walker had scored the only goal of his career in the 90th minute to prevent a Luton win at Nottingham Forest. In the next game, they led 1-0 at Anfield in the 90th minute and lost 2-1. They were relegated that season by two points and missed the Premier League.

7

HOW many 11-year olds knew Joe Payne holds the record for the number of goal scored in a single match? I did. He got 10 for Luton against Bristol Rovers in 1936.

8

DISCOVERING the joy of football on the radio as Scott Oakes scored a hat-trick in the FA Cup quarter-final against West Ham in 1994. Oakes, whose dad was in Showaddywaddy, punished a mistake by Steve Potts, the father of current left-back, Dan.

9

EVERY week telling the grandfather the Luton result and every week him doing a very good job pretending that he was as interested as I was.

10

SPOTTING an ad in the paper for a supporters’ club which met in the White Horse pub in Dublin because the owner was a fan. Went to my first game with them, and my da, for the last league game of 1996. They then lost in the playoffs.

11

THE first sight of the main stand in Kenilworth Road, bought second-hand from Kempton racecourse in 1922. On the opposite side stands a full row of executive boxes which have netting above them to prevent balls from hitting the houses directly behind them. It’s somebody’s job to retrieve the balls from the roof after the match. The entrance to the away end is an archway between two houses.

12

LEARNING not to roll your eyes when, for the 1,000th time, you say “yes, they had a plastic pitch”.

13

JOHN Gurney buying the club in 2004 mainly for land the club owned at Junction 10 of the M1. “As soon as he opened his mouth I knew he was a tosser,” was the assessment of captain Kevin Nicholls. Gurney planned a 70,000-capacity stadium on stilts with an F1 track around it. He brought the club to the brink of extinction.

14

GURNEY sacking Joe Kinnear, who got the club promoted from League Two, then appointing Mike Newell on the basis of a phone-in poll. “It was done by the people who do Pop Idol,” was his reassurance. Gurney was forced out and declared bankrupt a few years later.

15

ACCIDENTALLY blowing the horn on the motorway after hearing Enoch Showumni had scored an injury-time winner against Bristol City in 2005. The previous year, Showumni had joined Luton and was only paid expenses of £40 a week.

16

TAKING a photo of the TV screen with Luton 3-1 up on the European champions knowing that it wouldn’t last. It didn’t. A Liverpool team containing Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Xabi Alonso came back to win 5-3 in 2006.

17

AFTER romping to the League One title, things start to go wrong. “This is not park football, so what are women doing here? It is tokenism, for the politically-correct idiots. She should not be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist, so I am not going to be anything other than that.” That November 2006 rant about assistant referee Amy Rayner didn’t get Mike Newell sacked. Criticising the chairman and talking about bungs did.

18

BEATING Leeds 5-1 to go fifth in the Championship in October 2006. By April 2009 they had been relegated to the Conference.

19

JOHN Arne Riise’s own goal in the 2008 Cup tie earning a replay for Luton at Anfield and £500,000 which probably saved the club. Liverpool had refused to donate their share of the gate money from the Kenilworth Road tie. 20 TAKING 26 games to get to one point in League Two after starting on minus 30 in the 200809 season. The punishment is still marked by fans singing “F*** the FA, and the Football League”.

21

THE same season, I was among 40,000 Luton fans at Wembley to see them beat Scunthorpe in the Johnstone’s Paint trophy final with my then-girlfriend. If I’d had a ring, I’d have proposed after Claude Gnakpa’s 95th-minute winner.

22

LOSING in three Conference play-offs. The first year sparked a near-riot after a semi-final defeat to York; the second was on penalties in the final thanks to a failed ‘Panenka’ from Jason Walker. The third was in the final, again to York, for whom Walker was centre-forward

23

WAKING my four-month old daughter by shouting after Conference team Luton knocked Premier League Norwich out of the FA Cup. The aforementioned girlfriend, now wife, wasn’t happy.

24

MARVELLING at Steve McNulty, among biggest pros to grace the game in terms of width rather than height. Google image search him, then add ‘Southport’ and enjoy the wonder.

25

MANAGER John Still, who got Luton out of the Conference after five seasons, being invited to the 2011 FAI Cup final by Roddy Collins and apparently saying that none of the players would get in Luton’s team. Chris Forrester or Patrick McEleney among others may beg to differ.

26

THE daughter, and her little brother, a few years later being able to pick out Danny Hylton from a programme because he wore a face mask. Him later saying “Danny Hylton scored two goals” as a two-year-old remains a life highlight.

27

HAVING two goalkeepers on loan last season, both of whom were recalled within weeks. Their replacement, another loanee, then made an awful error and Luton lost in the playoffs again.

28

DRAGGING the best mate to Crawley this season. Luton, who scored 94 goals in 45 games this season, drew that one 0-0.

29

PUMPING the fist around the kitchen as a 36-year-old after a draw with Carlisle sealed promotion nine days ago and looking forward to League One like a child after 30 years, four promotions, six relegations and five play-off defeats.

30

AND, more importantly, among it all, there’s grandparents, parents, Santa Claus, a wife, a daughter and son and a clear memories of yourself when you weren’t far off the age your kids are now. And yet some people still ask why football means so much.