With Guinness off royals’ ‘to do’ list, perhaps a trip to Tayto Park is on cards
IT SEEMS Prince Harry and Meghan didn’t honeymoon here after all. There had been rumours that Ashford Castle was on lockdown as a purported royal love nest, but even with Harry remaining tight-lipped when asked, it seems Canada was the most likely ‘secret’ venue.
Never mind. When they do arrive next week on their official tour, the new Duke and Duchess of Sussex won’t be short of things to do, and hopefully the sun will continue to deign us with its presence.
I’ve had a look through the two-day schedule which is predictably dull-but-worthy, including a lug around Croker, the Áras, the Book of Kells (let’s hope they don’t have to endure the queueing system to see the famous pages – it’s a bunfight for everyone else), followed by a jaunty trip to the Famine Memorial and emigration museum – a passive aggressive reminder to Harry of how his greatgreat-great-greatgreat – grandmother Victoria treated us so badly when we were all starving, perhaps.
What’s not on the agenda, yet at least, is a visit to the Guinness Storehouse. Has it been demolished? Has the black stuff evaporated in the heat? Is that last bastion of grand Anglo-Irish families no longer showcased as our national emblem?
Could it be simply that time has been called on the arrant nonsense of insisting each and every celebrity visitor gets presented with a pint to reinforce the message that Ireland is, first and foremost, a place where alcohol is at the centre of our ‘fun’ culture.
From Obama and Clinton to Tom Cruise and even Meghan herself (in her ‘Suits’ days), it seems we cannot let anybody of note off a plane without dragging them there and plonking a glass of stout in their paw.
Guinness is a famous brand. We love it; the world loves it. But Diageo, which owns it, is a publicly listed British plc. It is no more Irish than Lyons Tea or Siúcra (oops, sorry, didn’t you know?).
Bringing a British royal couple to a British-owned factory may well be a good idea, but if we really want to showcase Irish brands, why not bring them to Bewley’s or Tayto Park or, if alcohol is an absolute necessity, any one of the brilliant craft breweries dotted around the country?
Flatley’s humble abode
PERHAPS while they’re here, the glam couple will go house hunting.
They are purported to be on the lookout to buy a country home (as opposed to an actual country, which isn’t de rigeur any more).
Harry grew up with gilt-edged Old Masters adorning the walls and more stuffy antiques than you could shake a sceptre at, so Michael Flatley’s humble little cottage in Cork could be perfect.
The 240-acre estate at Castlehyde is up for sale (again), this time for
€12.5m – a drop in the original asking price of nearly €20m, after a terrifying €27m was spent on restoration and another eye-watering
€20m on furnishings and art. It failed to sell in 2015, and is back on the market. Suffice to say the famous hoofer will take a hit. Bless.
The monumentally ostentatious mansion (Did I say gaudy? Moi?) is being flogged in a ‘bespoke’ manner, which means you probably won’t find it on MyHome.ie, but its three-storey library, whiskey room and cinema is sure to appeal to the duke and duchess.
Meghan will appreciate the home gym and Roman spa while Harry can practise shooting grouse from the hunting room.
The adjoining butler’s room and staff accommodation will be essential, obvs.
The former ‘Riverdance’ star won’t be on bridging loans while he waits for the royal nod; he’s just paid €28m for a flashy pad in Belgravia. As you do.
Arlene should try building another kind of bridge
THE royals are world-class ribbon cutters, as we know, so the pair will undoubtedly be asked to wield their scissor powers while they’re here.
Thankfully, there’s no schedule planned for a trip to Northern Ireland this time, so they’ll avoid the embarrassing debacle of being asked to launch the DUP’s latest barmy eccentricity, which is Arlene Foster’s call to build a bridge – between the North and Scotland.
Not a metaphorical bridge, you understand, but an actual one.
Given she hasn’t been able to build bridges between her own party and Sinn Féin for the last year, leaving the North without a government, it doesn’t bode well.
If Norn Iron’s famous Carrick-aRede rope bridge is the template, things are looking pretty shaky before they start.