LIFE LESSONS
Children’s author Helena Duggan on what parenthood has taught her
Motherhood wasn’t always part of the plan
To be honest, I never really thought about it and if I did, the thought scared me. I never felt maternal but now that I have my girls I can’t imagine not being a Mam.
When I was pregnant, I was really nervous about how my life would change
I know that sounds very selfish and it probably was. I saw my friends with dark-rimmed, bloodshot eyes and clothes splattered in all sorts of baby stuff and in my fear I wondered if it was really worth it. One of my friends told me ‘sometimes it’s the worst job in the world but it’s completely worth it’ and I could never really get my head around that answer. Now I understand, even in the depths of sleeplessness or sickness my two girls make me smile.
I try to keep my work week solid
That means that the weekends and evenings are for my family. I work two days in my brother and sister’s lighting company, Willie Duggan, and the other three are for my writing. It’s hard to keep a structure when you work for yourself, but having the girls has made me more focused.
Itry not to fuss too much
I think the girls pick up on my cues a lot and so I try to let the smaller details go, within reason. Sometimes I look at Jo and I laugh. She has wavy hair that’s more often than not a bit knotty and her clothes are normally a little messy but by the end of the day, she’s usually still smiling, so I think we’re doing OK.
My mam is a huge source of support
She’s the best mam in the world, much better than me, I think. She is there whenever I need her just as she was when we were growing up. I was never afraid of telling my mother anything, I think, because she didn’t judge. She made all of us talk even when we didn’t want to.
As a parent, I probably worry more, but work hard at worrying less
Right now I’m a little more forgetful than normal. I think as a parent you’ve so much going on that at times you can’t remember why you’ve entered a room. I look at the bigger picture a little more too and try to slow down so that I can actually see the girls grow up. I know it’s a huge cliché but I watch Bobbie now and think Jo was that size only a year or so ago. It really is crazy how fast the time goes. I worry that something will happen to my children. That’s vague, I know, but the love you feel for your kids is so strong that I think it naturally sits side by side that fear.
I’m probably in the thick of the sleepless years now
To be fair, my girls aren’t bad sleepers but sleep doesn’t feel the same anymore, it’s not as deep; I seem to always have an ear cocked. I hope that gets better but Mam tells me that when they’re teenagers and start going out it only gets worse.
I want my children to be confident
I think a quiet confidence in their own abilities is such a gift. I want them to be fearless too, not in a negligent way but I hope that they trust in life and in its goodness. I want the girls to understand that good and bad things will happen but if they have a solid belief in themselves they can conquer anything.
I like to empower the children in my stories so they are capable of anything
It’s mainly the children, aided by some adults, who save everyone in my A Place
called Perfect series. When the characters are talking amongst themselves, they often tell each other not to let the adults in on their plans because they’ll overcomplicate things and I genuinely feel that way too. I think children have a much better grip on life than we adults have and that as they grow older they begin to lose their natural ways. I think being a parent makes me push this message in my stories so that the children who read them can believe in their abilities and hold onto their playfulness.
My kids are my favourite aspect of being a mother
It sounds a little obvious, but they are. I love sneaking into their rooms at night and watching them sleep, knowing they’ve had a good day.
‘Me time’ is exercise
I love it, though I don’t get to do as much right now as I’d like to. My writing is also me time, it’s a bit like a meditation I think, when I come up from a few hours of writing I usually feel a lot lighter although if it’s a days editing it’s normally the reverse.
I want my daughters to be fearless. I hope they trust in life and in its goodness
The third instalment of Helena Duggan’s bestselling Perfect series, ‘The Battle for Perfect’, is out now. helddesign.ie