Sarah Carey: Archbishop isrighttoput parents on sacramental spot
ITHINK many priests must be saints. Not because they are holy messengers of Christ, for who knows what goes on in men’s hearts. But because they must have the patience of saints to deal with that most unreasonable of human species, concerned parents. There is no more irrational creature than the parent who fears too greatly for their child’s feelings.
This is not to say I don’t identify with the feelings of small children. I remember clearly being a small child with too much to say who was in a minority in school. There were only three of us who were Fine Gael. The rest were hardened Fianna Fáilers and that cut up rough in the 1980s.
But it is often more useful to teach a child to take arms against a sea of troubles rather than removing said troubles from the sea. Resilience – or what St Thomas Aquinas would have called fortitude – is the trick to life.
That’s why I’ve little sympathy for those who complain they can’t opt out of first holy communion because that would upset their child. Proudly removing oneself from class-based sacramental instruction is a great opportunity to teach a child it’s perfectly fine and, indeed, noble, to oppose the herd. At times, standing apart is a moral obligation. Learning and living that creed is a sacrament in itself.
Having said that, I’m delighted Archbishop Diarmuid Martin has proposed removing sacramental troubles from the sea by taking instruction out of schools. It’s the right thing to do for three reasons.
First, even for Catholics, there is no excuse for taking up State education time with religious instruction. I say this as the parent of three children, the third of whom will be enthusiastically receiving first holy communion this year.
I’ve always happily helped out with the parish-based programme for sacraments. The confirmation programme, in particular, is excellent. It presents an opportunity to talk about the “Gifts of the Holy Spirit” – important human qualities like justice, good judgment and wisdom. I hope when religious instruction is gone from school, it will be replaced with a strong moral philosophy curriculum, because these are vital conversations.
The second reason I’m pleased is that it removes a stick with which secularists have been beating the Church. Priests are incredibly hard workers, constantly on the go, baptising our babies, visiting the sick and burying the dead.
A priest is a rock in the community providing practical and pastoral care – without judgment – to anyone who needs it. I don’t know how they keep going when every day they carry the burden of a black history in which many had no part.
The State has been quite happy to outsource primary education to the Church. That era is now slowly coming to an end. If the Church voluntarily withdraws on issues like sacramental instruction, it will relieve some negative pressure on priests.
The third reason I’m pleased is that I can’t wait to see how parents react. Just as the State was happy to outsource education to the Church, parents have outsourced sacraments to teachers.
Far from being press-ganged into a ritual they oppose, most parents are maniacally devoted to the sacraments. When I attend the annual talk by the incredibly diplomatic catechist in our school, she very gingerly suggests to parents that if they never go to Mass (which they don’t) and aren’t practising Catholics (which they aren’t) maybe they should “reflect” on why they want their children to receive the sacraments at all.
The mere idea has to be dropped in the most subtle of ways, because if anyone told those parents that maybe their child couldn’t or shouldn’t take first holy communion, there’d be a riot.
For example, a couple of years ago a priest in another county tired of the wrangling between two parish schools on the date and format of first holy communion. In a Solomon-like judgment he declared he’d abandon the big day and simply offer communion to families who showed up any Sunday in May. There’d be no fuss, no dress and they could do what they liked afterwards. Needless to say that didn’t go down well and a compromise on a date was quickly reached.
A friend from eastern Europe told me this is how it’s done in her country. Families attend a normal Mass with zero fuss and the child gets their first communion.
But here it’s all about the party and the clothes and the money. I just give thanks I have boys. It’s worse for girls.
I don’t know how priests put up with indulging the glam and never seeing the families again until confirmation. But they seem to have infinite patience – and, indeed, compassion – for the mixed motives and emotions of their flock and do not judge. I note the contrast with my impatience and try to learn from them.
The proposal to take the whole process out of schools puts the onus on parents to shift their focus from the circus of clothes and catering to the sacrament itself. The bouncy castle industry will take a hit, but in the long term it will be better for everyone else – schools, families and priests.
Which reminds me. Bouncy castles are a matter of dogma and I haven’t booked one yet.
Priests seem to have infinite patience for the mixed motives of their flock