Love, family, nature: Finding meaning when times are tough
It can be hard to stay positive this far into lockdown, but it is a good time to remember the value of family, friendship and the simple joys in life,
What is giving you meaning in your life, at this stage in the pandemic? I posed this question on Facebook over the weekend, and I have been really touched and heartened by the nature of the replies that I got. Prior to posting the question, I was having one of those glum days where everything seemed to be as grey as the clouds that were hanging low over the hills behind us. I’d been out walking, hoping to improve my mood, but had only really noticed the rain. Not the positive mindfulness that I had intended!
I hadn’t posted anything on Facebook in a while and so I was a bit surprised to see the replies flooding in so quickly. But flood in they did. So, in this column I am going to share the collective wisdom and insight of those who replied to me about what is giving them meaning in the midst of lockdown. I think we all need the inspiration and the hope that people expressed.
Time seems to be the single biggest thing that people have noticed. Many people commented on having opportunity for better, more sustaining and more engaged connection with their family in the absence of the rush of everyday life that we used to live. As one person commented, it’s “the pause button it’s pressed allowing us to evaluate what matters most… family. Getting to spend more time together doing things we always seemed too busy to fit in before… I’m enjoying the togetherness…”
So many of you seemed to really appreciate the chance to sit after dinner, just chatting and laughing.
Even the almost inevitable family fights or disagreements were simply the precursor to reconnection. Parents have started to value that reconnection with their children in a way that seemed impossible pre-lockdown. As one mum described, “when you slow down… you see, hear and feel the needs, worries, goals and aspirations of your children better. Slowing down has opened my eyes to the importance of other, simple, but important, aspects of being mom [not just cooking cleaning and providing].” Parents described a myriad of other pastimes and pursuits that they felt able to engage in, in a more meaningful or mindful way. This is the experience of one mum: “Every day, for myself, I create or improve something… crochet, bake, declutter or garden. I’ve bought tons of blank greeting cards and post them randomly to family and friends just to say hello.” Cooking, baking, reading, playing music, studying, art, board games, cards, dancing, charity work and more, all featured as activities that you are appreciating and valuing more.
The almost universal observation, made by parents who responded, was that getting out walking has been consistently meaningful for most families. Being outdoors, noticing your environment, revelling in the small observations of the signs of spring, or the colours, sounds or smells that surround you have lifted spirits and given you meaning. Lots of families are making a daily walk part of their routine and are noticing that their children love it too. “Getting out and getting muddy with the kids, surrounded by trees — has been the greatest food for mind and soul”. It is great to hear that the fullness of nature is being experienced more and more, as families get themselves outside, whatever the weather.
Usually, I write articles with other parents in mind, focusing on things that I think may interest them, or might help them navigate the ups and downs of rearing children and teenagers. But there was a selfish intent in asking you all what you were finding
meaning in at the moment, as I was struggling to find meaning myself.
Your responses have reminded me, powerfully, of the insights of the psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of the holocaust and the almost crushing loss of friends and family during that period. Frankl, who wrote extensively about finding meaning in life, warns us not to go actively searching for meaning, reassuring us, instead, that meaning will ensue from the things we are doing. We are welcome to pursue goals, but let those goals be about connecting us to something higher, or as Frankl describes, “a cause greater than oneself”.
No surprise then that the comments you shared with me over the weekend were all describing, at heart, the expression and experience of love, family, connection and the glory of our natural world.
I realised that I am also in the lucky position of having all of those. I don’t have to go searching for something more. I just have to notice what I have. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to me. You have lifted my spirits and strengthened my resolve. In a pleasant turn of fate, the sky outside my office is blue and white today, not grey, which means I’m bound to notice more than rain on today’s walk.