Five valuable lessons we can learn from toddlers if we want to live happier lives
Several times a year, a new lifestyle and/ or wellbeing trend comes to the fore that claims to contain the secret to a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life. In recent years these have often had a Nordic flavour: we have moved through from hygge (a love of cosiness), and lagom (the importance of moderation), to päntsdrunk (the joy of sitting around in your underwear getting baloobas).
Sometimes, the new lifestyle/ well-being trend has a glossy celebrity advocate like Gwyneth Paltrow. But now an unlikely contender has entered the fray. According to a new book, the secret to happiness is to behave like a toddler. Hasan Merali, an associate professor of paediatrics at Canada’s McMaster University, has written Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets From the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life.
He spoke to the New York Times this month about how we can often be dismissive of toddlers and ageist in our language towards them (‘terrible twos’ and ‘three-nagers’) but actually we can learn a lot from them if we simply reframe things. Think about it this way – before us is not simply a small child stuffing Play Doh under a sofa cushion. It is, in fact, a small sensei who can teach us profound life lessons (while stuffing Play Doh under a sofa cushion), such as ...
Practise positive ‘private speech’. Toddlers talk to themselves while completing tasks/ playing/ running around. I don’t know why or when exactly it happens, but as you grow, talking out loud to yourself begins to be considered, well, questionable.
As someone who has frequently been caught talking out loud, at times even having full-blown three-sided imaginary conversation, this is deeply reassuring.
Toddler private speech tends to be incredibly encouraging (they are their own cheerleaders). However, when we become teenagers and adults, our personal monologues can sometimes veer towards the negative. Research suggests that for adults, positive self-talk can help with things like problem-solving, confidence and keeping on top of your emotions.
Notice the way they move. Toddlers can go from staring at a cement pavement in total stillness to sprinting into the middle distance within nanoseconds. Their rate of propulsion defies science. This instinctive intuitive movement is apparently good for your health. Toddlers also are prone to suddenly and spontaneously bursting into song and dance. One psychologist described this as ‘Full Body Karaoke’. (Which, coincidentally, would be a great name for an Indie band.) Apparently, we should all do with some of this: sudden and intense movements can reduce blood sugar levels, and, if done consistently, can increase life longevity.
Understand the importance of naps. It is a somewhat cruel irony that while they excel at napping, their parents will not experience the delicious balm of a decent nap for the next 20 years. Napping is good for your health, but in recent years it’s also been reframed as a form of resistance — a push-back against late capitalism, and society’s obsession with productivity. So you’re not just being lazy, you’re actually ‘giving it to The Man’ when you doze off for 45 minutes while WFB (Working From Bed).
Laugh as much as they do. Some adults pride themselves on being serious and disapprove of cheap laughs. But why? As comedian Pete Holmes (a self-confessed ‘easy laugh’) says: “What are you — Nosferatu? Let some sunlight onto your soul.” According to Dr Merali, toddlers “see the world as a comedy club”. They laugh six times as frequently as grown-ups do. Lesson: find lots of fun, dumb stuff to laugh at.
Ask questions. Toddlers are known for their curiosity to ask never-ending, mind-bending questions. According to one study, toddlers ask on average 107 questions an hour. That may seem like a lot but if you have toddlers you will probably view it as a significant understatement. According to experts, curiosity keeps you mentally agile. So asking non-stop questions — with no fear of looking or sounding stupid or ignorant — is another life lesson we should take from them.
I like all these things toddlers accidentally teach us, but I also think we need to proceed with caution here.
If everyone acted like a toddler, the world would soon become an unmitigated and highly emotional disaster. People would be rolling around the floor weeping because their spaghetti was ‘too spaghetti-y’, and running around naked. Or putting hair they found in a drain into their mouths for fun. We can’t have that; best to practice with discretion. Pick up a few traits here and there (mainly the napping) but don’t go all in.