Pocketing toiletries in hotels leaves me with moral dilemma

We know theft is against the law. I get that. But when is stealing not really stealing? I ask because I’m writing this week from a hotel.

It’s a nice one, and I spent a pleasant hour after check-in getting acquainted with the room facilities, plumping the pillows, opening drawers, delighting over the Nespresso and examining the minibar I won’t be using.

I’m also wondering what I can nick. Is it OK to take those finicky toiletries from the hotel bathroom? If I pocket today’s conditioner, shower cap and fancy soap they might replace it every day. What a haul.

I’m all for eco-friendliness; unfortunately, more and more hotels have switched to pump lotions rather than individual little bottles which limits my opportunities.

What about the mini shoeshine and needle and thread I will never use but have a stash of in my kitchen drawer? The body lotions are very handy for all those Ryanair city breaks where you’re fitting permitted liquids into a freezer bag. A random hotel shampoo or body lotion from last summer’s holiday is perfect and you can leave them behind, guilt-free.

Most people would say it’s OK. You’ve “paid” for them after all, haven’t you?

But what about slippers? They’re hardly going to reuse them on the next guest.

A bath towel? The fluffy bathrobe? Not OK, right?

Surely hotels build in that kind of stuff into their prices.

They must be used to items ending up in suitcases. So, technically you’re being charged for other people’s poaching.

It can be hard to judge. I stole a facecloth from a posh hotel last year after I’d used it and got make-up all over it. They’re not counting them, right?

Also, brown smudges on white flannel would make any room maid think badly of me.

I also robbed a couple of monogrammed napkins from Áras an Uachtaráin once.

Lucky enough to be invited to share tiny scones and minute finger sandwiches with the President (as part of a group), the royal blue-and-gold harped serviettes found their way into my handbag. They were only those fibre ones – not linen – so I forgave myself. I wouldn’t have dropped in a silver milk jug or fancy teacup, honest.

And we’ve all hastily filled a bread roll from the breakfast buffet for a picnic lunch, haven’t we? Perhaps an apple. And a pastry too. Oh, mea culpa.

And how is it different from asking for a doggy bag in a restaurant after a big meal? None, right? You’d draw the line at some things though, like the guy who pleaded guilty to stealing the gold loo at Blenheim Palace last week.

You’d never put on a top under your jacket in Dunnes Stores and walk out. That’s proper stealing. But would you buy it, wear it for a bit with the label tucked inside and then bring it back for a refund? Hmm. It’s a hard one.

Still, I’m expecting a few decent bits this week. Just don’t tell anyone.